Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Parenting Kids from Hard Places is HARD

One day I was talking to a few other Foster Moms who had become first time mother's through Foster Care.  They began discussing how they had never fought with their spouses like this before and it shocked them.  They never thought they would have so many disagreements over parenting.  I quickly stopped them  to let them know that their disagreements and struggles most likely stemmed from the type of kids they were parenting, not the fact that they had never been parents.  They had become mom's to kids that weren't necessarily "normal" to parent.

Like every married couple Tony and I have had our disagreements.  We've had some emotional struggles, good years and some pretty tough years.  However, one thing we've pretty much agreed on is parenting. We had figured out what worked for us and we went with it.  It was wonderful.

Then something changed.  We became foster parents.

Suddenly we were dealing with sensory issues, developmental delays, and attachment disorders.  And did I mention attachment disorders?  All of the sudden the parents who had found their groove were completely thrown off course.

It was hard.  It still is.  Sometimes I feel like we butt heads on every.single.issue.  Other times one of us is given the grace to see clearly and tries to graciously help the other see.  I'm not sure we have ever approached things so differently, at least not at opposition of the other.

We've had to work really hard to bite our tongues (my tongue is quit sore most times).  We've had to learn how to take the other aside and not show our disagreement in front of the kids.  We've also been working on taking our issues with the other to God, rather then to each other.

I'm thankful that I have a husband that I desperately love and trust, even if I don't always agree with him.  I'm glad I have a husband that is willing to listen and learn, even if our conclusions aren't always the same.  I'm glad I have a husband that shows me through his example how to be a better mom, not always through his words.

It is an incredibly tough learning curve, but it is one we are making together.

And to those two Momma's (if you are reading this).  Know that I love you.  You are amazing woman and God has given you your beautiful children for the time He deemed and for a reason.  You and your husbands have been one of the biggest blessings for our family.  Thanks for your support, wisdom, and friendship.

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