"Dear Friend": From a Foster Mom's Heart

"Dear Friend" was originally posted on April 3, 2013. 

Dear Friend,

So you got to see my child in all of her glory today.  I know it's not the side of herself she usually lets you see, but it is a reality of everyday life for her.  Like every human out there, she has good moments and bad moments, pleasant moments and moments we would like to never remember again.

I just wanted to let you know that my child is not a heathen, hellan, devil child, or rotten brat.  Rather she is a deeply hurt little girl whose emotions bubble over.  She has been through things you couldn't even imagine, let alone begin to process.

My little girl is three.  She isn't always good at saying that she feels mad or sad, but hey, neither am I.  She is trying to cope with the topsy turvy world she faces the best her little three year old self knows how.

Many times you see a put together, sweet, smiling, little angel of a child.  I hate to tell you, but most days that is not the heart of the little girl that stands before you.  Rather there is a deep sadness and confussion in this child.

But today was different. Today she chose to let her gaurd down and allow her emotions to break free.  She broke out of her fake world for just a little bit to show you some of her heart.  I know it was hard for you to see her that way, but please refrain from passing judgement on her.

Until you have stood in her shoes you will never understand the depth of pain she has experienced.  Those shoes are so much smaller then yours or mine, but they have walked more miles of hurt then either of us cares to even imagine.

So next time you see my child screaming in the corner, banging on a window, take some time to stop.  Get down on her level, look in her eyes.  Think for just a minute what her world is like.  And before you offer up unkind and unhelpful words, see if you can see beyond the fit and into her heart.

Love,
A Foster Momma

Picture Perfect: Adoption Day

We had so much fun on our adoption day.  We started our day off at a local bakery down the street from the court house. It was fun to have everyone join us.

 

We were quit the crazy bunch waiting outside the court room. Six kids (two of whom were out of control hyper) and eleven adults.

It was such a fun moment when the judge said, "I grant you your adoption petition, congratulations!" and all our family cheered.

We were so thankful to be surrounded by family on our day. We treasure them and how they have accepted and loved on our children.

 

On the far left is our kids GAL. Brenda had our case since the very beginning. In the past new GAL's were assigned for the adoption case but a recent change is allowing the GAL's to also participate in the adoption. This was such a sweet surprise to us. Next is our adoption worker who got to handle piles upon piles of official caseworkers.  Our caseworker in standing next to her.  She has worked with our kids for over a year and we are thankful for the many hours of work she put in.  Our lawyer is standing next to Tony. He's a great guy and we were thankful to have him next to us that day.  Also, our judge in the background is incredible.  So much rests upon your judge and we are blessed to have such an incredible one in this county.

 

Thankful to be officially and forever FAMILY!

P.S. Yes, Big Brother is only 8 and YES he is huge for his age.

Introducing...

We are excited to introduce you to all four of our amazing blessings...

 Big Brother

Our creative, goofy 8 year old.  This kid loves math and art.  He's got a sweet heart that desires to please.  Never in the big brother role before our home, he is working hard to learn what it means.  He loves to play board games and is getting interested in all things sports.

Sweet Pea

This girl is five.  She has got an incredibly tenderhearted.  She is constantly looking for ways to serve others.  She is obsessed with all things writing and is enjoying learning how to read.  She wants to be a momma when she grows up and loves practicing her skills.

Little Man:

Silly, silly, silly is how you describe this five year old.  He loves his order and structure but is always seeking a way to make others laugh.  He loves to be a helper and you often find him right by mom or dad's side working.  He always has a book in his hands.

 Baby Girl

This five year old has earned her nickname of Jumping Bean.  She is very analytical and calculating.  She is so proud of herself when she learns a new skill.  If there is music, she is dancing.  If there is a book being read, she is listening.   

Excited to Annouce....

We are EXCITED to announce that on JANUARY 5th our family will officially become a family of SIX.  Our kids will say yes to being a Snyder and we will say yes forever to them.  It has been a long journey.  We are excited to close this chapter and begin a new one!

California and a Wedding

What gets my whole family out of the midwest and into sunny Califonia, why a wedding of course.  My oldest brother got married this summer to one amazing woman.  I'm so excited that she is part of our family.  God definetely brought these two together.

Sweet Pea, Baby Girl, and I headed out with my family for a week of fun, relaxation, and memories.  We visited the beach, walked around Downtown Disney, swam at the house we rented out, and enjoyed the new landscape. 

Of course, the highlight of the whole week was the wedding.  It was a beautiful God centered wedding followed by a fun dance filled reception.  The girls and I made so many memories.  I'm so thankful that we got to be their for my brothers big day.

Homeschool/Public School-A Mom's Heart Part 2

If you have read the first post for this you need to do so here.

Sweet Pea loved it!  Life got even better for me when Baby Girl was given a spot (for various reasons) by the PreK teacher.  I had my afternoons all to myself.  Awesome right?  Not so much.  Addielce's excitement lasted about two weeks.  Then she started complaining of being sick, hating school, wanting to stay home.  Lots and lots of tears (by both of us).  Her teacher and Tony and I tried what we could to pull her out of it, but it never really got better.  She hated it.  I was a devastated momma who felt like a failure again.

But God did one thing in those moments....he answered the question we had asked:  Please make it clear one way or another if she should be in this program next year.

So where are we this school year:

*Public School:  Big Brother, Little Man, and Baby Girl all attend public school (BB for a whole day, the other two for a half).  They have wonderful teachers, an amazing staff, a school disctrict that cares for them deeply.  They also get the high structure they need and are able to work on socialization skills (something they all struggle with in varing ways) in a way they can't at home.

Again, this is required, but even if it wasn't.  This would still be our choice.

*Homeschool:  Sweet Pea is home with me.  I still hear complaints (can't I just build a block tower) and sometimes wishes of going to the other kids school (I really want to play on the playground again).  She still runs to hug her old teachers (isn't it amazing she has that relationship with them) and she misses her friends.  However, homeschool is going fantastic.  Our relationship is deepening.  She is bubbling with joy.  And I am enjoying teaching her.  I can't describe the smile it brings to my face, every day.  I keep repeating to Tony how much fun we are having, he's gotten to the "uh-huh" stage of listening to that statement.

And where will we be in the future:

Well, the three in public (if we adopt them) will probably stay there, as long as we are in this district.  I couldn't ask for a better environment for them.  If we were to a move to a new district I would be ok pulling them home if I needed to.  However there are some that I would pull home before others.

Sweet Pea will be a year by year decision.  Right now I would like to keep her home next year, but we will need to do a lot of praying first.  The kindergarten teachers are just top knotch, so that makes the decision so much harder.  But she is doing so well in the home environment, that I can't imagine pulling her out of it at this point. 

My hearts in both places.  My kids are in the best places they could be right now, for themselves.  They are all thriving in their current environments but probably wouldn't be in another environment.  I'm thankful that we can do what is best for all of them.

What is your schooling choice?  Why?  Is there anything that has changed your mind throughout the years?

I did not mention private school because 1. we couldn't afford that at this time and 2. we really don't have any experience with it.  We have a great private school close, but right now that isn't an option for us.

Homeschool/Public Shool-A Mom's Heart

Please note that this post is NOT meant to argue one side or the other.  It's simple to talk about our journey to our current school situation and our thoughts for the future.

We did fine in the public schools, so our kids will do just fine.  '

That was our thinking when we got married.  In fact at one point Tony was completely against homeschooling all together.  Our parents had their reasons for sending both us and our sibs to public school.  They were great reasons, and we completely agreed with them.

Then I was pregnant or had just had Sweet Pea (I think pregnant) and I spent an evening at a godly couples house working on a project for Orphan Sunday.  She talked about her choices for school for her three girls, how her thoughts had been the same as ours.  She shared how her oldest went to Kindergarten and suddenly their world changed, they didn't like what their child was learning at school.  Their children experienced a number of different schooling options, and now they are amazing young ladies on fire for the Lord.  I wanted my kids to be like them!  The  more I read for homeschooling families, the more I liked many of the common themes (a togetherness as family, a control of teaching, more time home and less time being "busy" at school)

Fast forward to the summer before Sweet Pea would traditionally enter a Preschool (and by traditionally I mean by today's standards, the rates at which our kids go to Preschool are incredibly high compared to what they were when I was a kiddo).  We had ordered a homeschool material and were thrilled.  Soon we got a call to take in three kiddos, two would be home while I was trying to teach Sweet Pea.  This didn't phase us and we pushed forward with our plan to homeschool.

The school year rolled around and I was more then ready.  The five (turned six) year old we had taken into our home....well, he needed more structure then our everyday environment could give him.  Suddenly this homeschooling convert was begging for the school system to take her child.  PLEASE!  I felt like a complete failure.  

Side Note: We are required to send our foster kids to the public school, we have no choice.  We are also STRONGLY encouraged to send preschoolers to some sort of schooling or structured daycare.  However, even if I could have homeschooled I wouldn't have...I NEEDED him to go. 

In October Little Man entered the ECSE (Early Childhood Special Ed) program with an IEP.  In March we got asked a question I never expected: "Sweet Pea is next on our list to start PreK, talk and pray about it, let us know."  Hard question.  See in the months that had passed homeschooling was not what I expected.  Having a three year old that is all artsy, a curriculum that was so NOT, and a high needs little girl who was emotionally not handling things well...life had pretty much become a night mare.  I knew that the PreK program was creative based ant the teachers....well, let's just say we couldn't of found better ones if we have searched for them ourselves.  They were incredible!

So we said yes.  Good bye homeschooling.....find out the rest of the story next week.

Forgiveness

"Addilece.  What happened to your bike?"

The bike was less then a week old.  Addilece had gotten it for her birthday.  Now there was a whole in the seat.

"I don't know mommy."  She says as she climbed back on the seat.

"WHO put the hole in her bike?"  I begin to look around at my kiddos.  Suddenly my eyes fall on Baby Girl.  "Maybe I did it."  She states ever so casually.

After a rather long talk to her and a dishing out of discipline I tell her she must apologize to her sister.

"I forgive you."  Slips out of Sweet Pea.  She runs off to play.

Forgiveness.

It comes so easily to my four year old.  Forgiveness is just part of her everyday language.  But for me, I was still angry, frustrated, sad.  The bike hadn't been damaged by 3 year old carelessness.  The bike had been damaged by a hurt and jealous heart.  She was upset that her sister got a new bike and she didn't.

This time I did something right.  I prayed for this little girl and I asked her to pray.  As she choked back tears, I heard words beyond her years.  "God my heart hurts so much.  Make my hurt go away."

This time I did it right.  This time I saw my daughter through God's eyes, not my own.  This time I forgave.  But what about tomorrow?  And the next day? And the next?  This won't be the last time that the hurt causes pain in others, especially my other children.

Most of the time, I'm not quick to forgive.  Letting those words slip from my mouth and take root in my heart like Sweet Pea did is hard.  I don't want to see my children hurt, any of them, especially by each other.  It is not natural or easy to forgive.  But God requires it of us.  It helps to show His heart.  So tomorrow I will get up and pray harder and work harder for God to take out myself and put in Him. 

Being Thankful

We are doing Awana at Home with our kids this summer and into the school year.  We absolutely love it.  There is no planning involved, very little supplies, and our kids have so much fun.  One night we talk about God is the Creator.  We talked about what we were thankful for that God made.  Then we went outside and drew it on the side walk.  I loved to see what my kids came up with.

"Dear Friend": From a Foster Mom's Heart

Dear Friend,

So you got to see my child in all of her glory today.  I know it's not the side of herself she usually lets you see, but it is a reality of everyday life for her.  Like every human out there, she has good moments and bad moments, pleasant moments and moments we would like to never remember again.

I just wanted to let you know that my child is not a heathen, hellan, devil child, or rotten brat.  Rather she is a deeply hurt little girl whose emotions bubble over.  She has been through things you couldn't even imagine, let alone begin to process.

My little girl is three.  She isn't always good at saying that she feels mad or sad, but hey, neither am I.  She is trying to cope with the topsy turvy world she faces the best her little three year old self knows how.

Many times you see a put together, sweet, smiling, little angel of a child.  I hate to tell you, but most days that is not the heart of the little girl that stands before you.  Rather there is a deep sadness and confussion in this child.

But today was different. Today she chose to let her gaurd down and allow her emotions to break free.  She broke out of her fake world for just a little bit to show you some of her heart.  I know it was hard for you to see her that way, but please refrain from passing judgement on her.

Until you have stood in her shoes you will never understand the depth of pain she has experienced.  Those shoes are so much smaller then yours or mine, but they have walked more miles of hurt then either of us cares to even imagine.

So next time you see my child screaming in the corner, banging on a window, take some time to stop.  Get down on her level, look in her eyes.  Think for just a minute what her world is like.  And before you offer up unkind and unhelpful words, see if you can see beyond the fit and into her heart.

Love,
A Foster Momma

Picture Perfect: Snow Day

Our boys had a snow day recently.  One of our kids don't handle changes like that well.  The new schedule throws them for a complete loop.  So I decided to meet the problem head on.  I took floor tape my parents had given us and made a "town" for their cars, Little People, and buildings.  It was pretty successful.  They played for 2 1/2 hours straight, which is pretty incredible.  It didn't take away the struggle from the one child but put a cushion between them and their siblings so I could deal with it.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

These cookies where in Sweet Pea's home-school material from Answers in Genesis.  They are the most kid friendly cookies I have every found?  Why?

1. There are no special instructions, just put in things in the order specified and stir.
2. The amount of dishes to mix up the batter is FOUR.
3. The ingredients (minus the pumpkin) are basic cooking ingredients.

Plus these are oh so very yummy.  I even got a heads up from the hubs, who isn't a big pumpkin fan.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies
From Answers in Genesis

1 can of pumpkin
1 tsp cinnamon
1 egg
1/2 c oil
1 tsp baking soda
1 c sugar
1 tsp milk
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
2 c flour
1 12 oz bag chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix ingredients together as listed. Drop by spoonfuls on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 12-15 minutes. Let cool on waxed paper or cooling rack.





ENJOY!!!!

Keeping It Straight

Parenting kids from hard places means remember "triggers" or things that set these kids off.  We've go three kids to not only figure out but keep straight.  I know that every child is different and has different personalities but this can go much deeper then for these kids....

*Little Man needs his food cut up into little pieces in order for him to be able to handle it

BUT

*Little Man does not like things like crackers, granola bars, or banana's broken in half.

If either is done wrong then we have problems.

*Big Brother doesn't like milk......most of the time.
*Little Man likes milk....sometimes....AND when he does he gulps it.....BUT he will ask for it either way.
*Baby girl loves milk but takes forever to drink it....or anything.

*Little Man sometimes really really likes to dress himself.....BUT most days if you hand him clothes and ask him to do it sets him off and his communication plumits.

*Baby Girl is stubborn.....if you try to FORCE her into ANYTHING you will get a major fit.

*Big Brother wants to try nothing and hates you to push him but is often thrilled when he can do something on his own.

*Baby Girl HATES dresses....even if she is the one who chose to wear it.  HOWEVER, if she chooses a dress and you say no....there is a problem.  BUT if you put a dress on her that she chose she will probably have an aweful day b/c she doesn't truly want the dress....just the control.

*Big Brother can handle no more than 1 step directions.  If you try to give him more you overload him and he gets an attitude and can do NOTHING.

*Little Man is a big big helper and loves it....UNLESS you hand him something and expect him to do it on his own (rather then being YOUR helper).  Suddenly he doesn't know how to do anything.

Got it? 

GREAT.

Now can you teach me?????? 

And that's just a small glimpse into our daily lives.

Redemption

Do you remember a few days ago I talked about a visit our kids had in which their father did not show.  Baby Girl had taken this visit especially hard.  She felt rejected, abandoned, alone, unworthy, hurt.  She was angry at her father. 

The next day something had been said to Baby Girl by her older brother that had been very hurtful.  I went into the girls' room that morning to help them get dressed and to help smooth things over.  I told my girls that they were beautiful.  I told them that it didn't matter what they looked like or what they wore.  I let them know that God looked at their insides, at their hearts, and to Him they were beautiful, special princesses.

The rest of the day Baby Girl would run up to me with a smile on her face and declare, "I'm a pin-cess, Mommy."  Over and over and over again she said this.  For the first time in three months she accepted the fact that she could be a Princess.  She accepted  that she could be beautiful.  She felt worth in herself.

And that, my friends, is the healing and redemptive power of Christ.  We are able to speak the healing power and light of God's word into a very dark and hurt little heart.  We are seeing God heal this special little girl from the inside out.  We again are awed and humbled by being front row to God's miracles. 

Rejected

"The visit went alright, but only mom was there."

-Sigh-

I knew that the words that our kids' Transporter had just uttered could mean disaster.  I wondered what world wind of emotions and behavior would surface in the next 24 hours.

It hit Baby Girl the hardest.

"Baby Girl, where is your hair thing?"  She hands it to me with a clump of hair that stayed in when she ripped it out.  "You know your beautiful?"  "NO." "You are.  You are such a beautiful little girl."  Covers face and says again, "No."

Unworthy.

Words like "I miss mommy." and "I want my daddy." tumbled from her mouth.

Loneliness.

Disrespect to both Tony and myself and refusals of hugs were the order of the night.

Rejection.

A rough supper time meal filled with many tears.

Hurt.

Time spent together at bedtime talking about the day in which she informed me that she missed her mommy and daddy but was angry at her daddy.

Abandonment.

A little girl whose heart was deeply stung by what she feels is her father's rejection.  We are praying that one days these kids will come to know a Heavenly Father who believes they are worth wild, beautiful, special.  A Heavenly Father who will never abandon or reject them.

No, I will not abandon you as orphans--I will come to you.

John 14:18, NLT

Happy Birthday Baby Girl and Little Man

Well, it happened.  We are now Daddy and Mommy to a six year old and three three year olds.  There were many moments in this journey that we weren't sure if they would be at our house the next day or not.  But we are joyful that we have reached this place.

 Baby Girl is a bundle of energy that loves music and baby dolls.  She would rather not be in a dress but when she is it is girly to the max.  Her true smile reaches right to a persons heart. She got a head full of crazy curls and a body full of energy to match.

Little Man has got quit the personality.  He loves to help and just be with people.  He got eyes and a smile that light up the room.  He is all boy and is constantly running, jumping, and climbing.  He loves to figure things out (and in the process has broken quit a few things).  He likes transportation things and blocks.   

I'm so glad these two littles where brought into our lives.  They definitely make them better.  God has so deeply blessed us.  Happy Birthday to our dear Baby Girl and Little Man!!!

Are You My Mommy?

Baby Girl looks up at me with questioning eyes and ask, "Are you my mommy?"  It was a break through for this almost three year old.  She had spent two out of control weeks with us.  Teetering between a desire to be real with us and a desire to reject us.  Finally, she was able to state what was on her mind, what her heart needed to know...."Who was her mommy."

It is a question that Baby Girl will have to answer for herself.  In her little 3 year old mind she can't have two mommies.  There is one mommy who is called mommy, who she was with for three years, but isn't there any more, she isn't providing what she needs.  There is another mommy who she also calls mommy, who she barely knows, but who is providing what she needs and she is who she sees every day.

Big Brother isn't sure how to answer this question yet either.  He stated the other day that his parents told him we "weren't his real parents".  We had a great discussion about what real parents where.  He is also trying to figure out if and how he can have two mommies and two daddies.  

These are things that three and six year old little minds should never have to think about.  It breaks my heart to hear the pain in their hearts.  I just pray that at the end of this journey for these kids that they will find hope and healing. 

Picture Perfect: A Walk

This is how we roll......

Sorry it's so blurry.  You ask the kids to look at you and they refuse and you ask them not too and they refuse.

Every Morning

This is what we do every morning.....run out to the porch and give Daddy a BIG send off!  We all love it.

CRAZY

In today's society families of six reach the "WOW" level.  Four kids within 3 years....well, that's a bit overboard.  And taking on 3 extra children at once....CRAZY. 

Are we crazy?  I know a lot of people think we are.  We've even been told that "we DID pray for this....and you're going to get what you prayed for."

Yes, we are crazy.  Life is crazy.  But we are NOT sorry for it.  Jesus was considered radical by the Jews.  It was blasphemy to claim to be the Son of God.  Obedience to God often calls for us as believers to be RADICAL. 

Yes, we did pray for this.  Yes, we did want this.  Let me set the record straight right now......NO we do not regret this.  NO we are not wishing we wouldn't of said yes.  When we agreed to take a license of three it is because we felt God wanted us to take three....and we wanted it because God wanted it.

I look at these three kids and I think "which one do people want me to give up and give back?"  We already said no to other siblings.  We would have either of taken the twins or taken Big Brother.  Big Brother would not be doing well on his own.  Addilece would not be doing well with just the twins.  These kids NEED each other.

When you are standing in the center of God's will crazy doesn't matter.  God has filled our hearts with a deep joy.  We get up smiling every morning and go to bed thinking, why God did you choose us to love these children.  It is such a PRIVILEGE! 

We don't mind being the crazy family.  We don't mind that God chose to shower us with exactly what we asked for.  We are filled with Him and that is all that matters!