Parenting: Catch Phrases

It seems like parenting has a lot of split second decisions to it.  We are constantly reading our kids behavior to determine is it irresponsible, based on another emotion, or definant or is this their true need or is something else really affecting it. Then there are those times that your kid completely stumps you.

Tony and I have discovered we are very emotional parents.  We tend to reacted with emotions rather then a level head.  This can create a lot of unfairness and disciplines that do not fit the situations. In order to help with this we have learned that we love go-to phrases in our parenting.  These are lines that we can always come back to in helping us with our parenting choices.  Here are a few of our favorites:

Are you asking or are you telling? I have found that sometimes my kids can get very demanding, expecting me to do something.  This typically comes off of very disrespectful.  This simple question either quickly changes to tone to respect or allows a teaching moment of, "If you are telling the answer will always be no. However, you could try that again with asking words."  (Karyn Purvis, Empowered to Connect)

We need to try that agian with respect. As my kids get older I find their tones get a bit more on the disrespect side.  What they are saying is not always bad, but how they are saying it is not ok.  This allows a quick check for them with out completely shutting them off. (Karyn Purvis, Empowered to Connect)

Listen and Obey! This is a quick phrase I can give to my kids.  It serves as a warning and I believe ques their brain (which they need at times).  It also allows Tony and I to know, that if they chose to ignore words after this is given then we are dealing with a defiance issue and not a brain issue. (Karyn Purvis, Empowered to Connect)

Oh my. What a sad choice.  What are you going to do about that? When I discovered that they took markers and drew all over the wall or got into something on the counter that was off limits this allows me to keep my frustration level even.  It also allows them to be both responsible and in control of the mess they've made.  I'm amazed at how much better their attitude is about the problem when I put the ball in their court rather then demand that they fix it (side note: I do expect them to fix the problem).  (Love and Logic)

Asked and Answered. There was a great article that was floating around social media sometime this past year.  When a child asks for something, I give them an answer (side note: I need to own my answer and be careful about my "no's".  This is something very hard for me.) If them come up with a "but mom...." I simply say "asked and answered." I then stick with it.  Sometimes my kids will ask for a compromise (another learning curb for myself) and I try hard to accommodate. 

Do (or did) you have any catch phrases as a parent that you loved?  Did you feel it helped to minimize frustration and increase cooperation?

School

 

I remember when I overheard my mom tell someone, "I don't like it when the kids go back to school.  I really like having them around."  As a kid that makes you feel pretty good.  I wanted to enjoy my kids that much.

Last summer Big Brother started school six weeks after he arrived at our house.  I was looking forward to it by week one.  I needed him to go to school.  And I mean NEED!  I told Tony that attitude bummed me out.  I wanted to enjoy having my kids home.  I wanted to look forward to summer.  I wanted to be sad they were going back.  "Maybe next summer," I said. 

Tony laughed.

Christmas break came......I was counting down the days for school to begin.

Spring break come....I was counting down the days for school to begin.

On to Summer.  I did something right for summer.  I implemented our daily schedule.  It was incredibly helpful.  It allowed for structure and entertainment for the kids.  It helped me to not rely on the TV to make it through the day.  And it allowed me to accomplish some of my goals for the summer.

So now that we are 1 week away from school for Big Brother and 2 weeks away from school for Little Man and Baby Girl, what do I think?

Well, I am ready for them to go back.  They are ready to go back.  We have children who I need a break from.  We have children who need a break from me.  We have children who need more time with me.  And we have children who need a break from each other.  My daily and weekly tasks (like laundry, paying bills, balancing the check book, straighten the house) are also begging my children to go back to school.

So while I am ready for my kids to go back, I am also beyond thankful that we had a fun summer.  We enjoyed the library, swam, did a garden, did lots of crafts, visited family, and lots of other things.  I'm a pretty happy momma.

Being Thankful

We are doing Awana at Home with our kids this summer and into the school year.  We absolutely love it.  There is no planning involved, very little supplies, and our kids have so much fun.  One night we talk about God is the Creator.  We talked about what we were thankful for that God made.  Then we went outside and drew it on the side walk.  I loved to see what my kids came up with.

Being Honest About Being Honest

The other day our kiddo had a rough time in Sunday School.  I felt like a miserable failure.  We had put some things into place so that the teacher would not have to go through this, but those things didn't work out.  The extreme agitation stemmed from Mommy and Daddy being gone the night before, so he didn't get everything the way her normally does....then Mommy and Daddy turning right back around and plopping him in Sunday School.

When I picked him up he was the worst I had ever seen.  Tony and I worked to get him calmed down, and we partially succeed (he was still pretty edgy, but not terrible).  We had a potluck at church, so lots of people.  I walked through most of that afternoon on the brink of tears.  I asked Tony if he could tell, he said he couldn't.

Really?  I'm not so good at hiding emotions.

Lots of people asked the, "how are you?" question.  And I know some of those people really did care.  But on my face was a smile and a "I'm alright."  I was NOT going to cry at a church potluck.  I was not going to blubber my way through a story that most people wouldn't understand anyway.  I was NOT going to be honest.

I think most of the time, that's the way it is.  I know that this person and this person and this person are struggling with all these things, but when we come face to face we plaster on fake smiles and say we are fine.  It is hard to find people to be honest with.

Why is that?  Fear of judgement? Fear of understanding? Fear of vulnerability?  Feeling like the other person lacks interest? Or time? Or compassion?  I know that this is true for why I don't take the time to listen to others.

I want to be a better listener, a more empathetic friend, a person to take the time.  I want to be that, because I seriously need others to be that for me at times. 

Parenting a Developemental Delay

Little Man has a "Developmental Delay".  This label can stick with him till he is 9 and it lands him an IEP.  This is awesome because it means if he goes home he will still receive services from the school district he is in. 

Little Man's biggest struggle is how he relates socially.  Social pressure can completely shut him down.  He will use aggressive ways to get people attention (taking a toy away, hitting, running into you, etc).  However, we think he is an extrovert.  (Shocker, right?).  He strongly desires to be around others, he just doesn't know how to communicate or build relationships with them.

This turns into an everyday struggle that I am unsure on how to handle still.   It's a fine line to walk and I feel like I'm not succeeding on either side of it.

As I said, he uses aggression to communicate.  So Addilece and Big Brother are building a block tower, then taking a ball to knock it down.  Little Man thinks, "hey that looks cool".  However, instead of asking if he can have a turn he just runs up and knocks it down.  When the older two communicate to him that this was not ok he knocks it down again, and again, and again.  After about two minutes I realize he just can't do it so I intervene. 

Little Man and I have a discussion about respect and talking it out.  He heads over to the older two and to my heart's delight says, "I play too?  Please?"  However, by this time Big Brother is annoyed and says no.  Again, momma intervenes and explains that he communicated well he needs to be allowed to participate.  Big Brother lets him join in, Little Man is thrilled.

The problem....Little Man still doesn't understand the rules of engagement and has no comprehension of taking turns.  Soon we are back to Big Brother yelling and Little Man knocking down every block he puts up.  This time I ask Little Man to play somewhere else.

The problem....Little Man is an extrovert.  He wants to play and won't take no for an answer.  So over the next 10 minutes I break up the fights and try to redirect as Little Man runs the scooter into the block tower, steals the ball they are throwing at the tower, and lays right by it to knock it over with his hand.

So what do I do?  I want my other three to learn that their brother struggles with this and how to adequately communicate with him.  However, I also need Little Man to learn respect and the ability to listen to words.  And I don't have time to spend the entire summer mediating their play (and if I chose to do that, I really would accomplish NOTHING else).  When he heads back to school in the fall his play won't be mediated, so we need to work on it.

The point of this story.....I'm not sure there is one, expect I'm tired.  (ha, ha).  One of these days I'm going to write a post about how Little Man has completely changed me, grabbed my heart, and shown me God's heart.  For now, I'm tired and not sure how to navigate these waters.

I would love to hear from you?  Are you a teacher or a parent of special needs with a suggestion of how to teach on both sides of this?  What are some good resources to help us navigate?  

Parenting Kids from Hard Places is HARD

One day I was talking to a few other Foster Moms who had become first time mother's through Foster Care.  They began discussing how they had never fought with their spouses like this before and it shocked them.  They never thought they would have so many disagreements over parenting.  I quickly stopped them  to let them know that their disagreements and struggles most likely stemmed from the type of kids they were parenting, not the fact that they had never been parents.  They had become mom's to kids that weren't necessarily "normal" to parent.

Like every married couple Tony and I have had our disagreements.  We've had some emotional struggles, good years and some pretty tough years.  However, one thing we've pretty much agreed on is parenting. We had figured out what worked for us and we went with it.  It was wonderful.

Then something changed.  We became foster parents.

Suddenly we were dealing with sensory issues, developmental delays, and attachment disorders.  And did I mention attachment disorders?  All of the sudden the parents who had found their groove were completely thrown off course.

It was hard.  It still is.  Sometimes I feel like we butt heads on every.single.issue.  Other times one of us is given the grace to see clearly and tries to graciously help the other see.  I'm not sure we have ever approached things so differently, at least not at opposition of the other.

We've had to work really hard to bite our tongues (my tongue is quit sore most times).  We've had to learn how to take the other aside and not show our disagreement in front of the kids.  We've also been working on taking our issues with the other to God, rather then to each other.

I'm thankful that I have a husband that I desperately love and trust, even if I don't always agree with him.  I'm glad I have a husband that is willing to listen and learn, even if our conclusions aren't always the same.  I'm glad I have a husband that shows me through his example how to be a better mom, not always through his words.

It is an incredibly tough learning curve, but it is one we are making together.

And to those two Momma's (if you are reading this).  Know that I love you.  You are amazing woman and God has given you your beautiful children for the time He deemed and for a reason.  You and your husbands have been one of the biggest blessings for our family.  Thanks for your support, wisdom, and friendship.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

These cookies where in Sweet Pea's home-school material from Answers in Genesis.  They are the most kid friendly cookies I have every found?  Why?

1. There are no special instructions, just put in things in the order specified and stir.
2. The amount of dishes to mix up the batter is FOUR.
3. The ingredients (minus the pumpkin) are basic cooking ingredients.

Plus these are oh so very yummy.  I even got a heads up from the hubs, who isn't a big pumpkin fan.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies
From Answers in Genesis

1 can of pumpkin
1 tsp cinnamon
1 egg
1/2 c oil
1 tsp baking soda
1 c sugar
1 tsp milk
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
2 c flour
1 12 oz bag chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix ingredients together as listed. Drop by spoonfuls on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 12-15 minutes. Let cool on waxed paper or cooling rack.





ENJOY!!!!

My Mouth and My Heart

Some days are just tough.  My kids relaspe into old behaviors, I see Addilece pick up new behaviors I don't like, my temper is short.  Some days are just plain tough.  That is the reality of foster care.  On one of those days God brought me to Psalm 19 (it was fun to see my Pastor use this in his sermon this past week). 

Over and over again I read the last verse of this chapter:

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be please in your sight, O LORD, my Rock, and my Redeemer."

How powerful and magnificent is my God.  Even on the tough days I want both what I say and what I feel to be pleasing to God.  May I be a  Mom's whose actions, words, and attitude point my children too Christ, not away.

Foster Care - A Fathers view

If you have not read The True Atlas post you will not fully understand this post. Please read that post prior to reading this one. Once again I have no intention of offending anyone but some of you may be offended. I have no intention of discouraging anyone but if you do not finish the post you may be discouraged.

Background.

I have 4 siblings that were adopted out of the foster system. I love all of my siblings and was always taught that these are my siblings period. It was not a these kids those kids type of situation. The two youngest that my parents adopted have severe learning disabilities, some mild retardation, ADHD, Cerbal pausy, siezure disorder, and I think a few other minor problems. My wife and I have had two placements of our own both of which I will discuss below.

Why my wife and I do this.

My wife and I love kids. We have both worked with kids for several years, but that's not why we do this. We love the fact that we can give these kids a safe and loving home, but that is not why we do this.
We love that we can welcome these hurting children into our family so that they can heal, but that is not why we do this. We are involved in Foster care for 1 purpose, to share the love of Christ with these kids. Everything above is part of who we are and we love helping these kids, but there are other loving foster homes that don't have Christ. We have a chance to bring kids into our home who in both our cases have never heard about Jesus before. We get to teach them that there is a God that made everything, but among all the wonderful and beautiful things he created he chose to make them special. We get to live life with these kids and allow them to see Christ in us.

My role as a Father to these kids.

Part 1

Once again if you have not read my other post please do so. That will give you the foundation for what I believe a husband and father is.

My role for these kids is even more important than the role God gave me as a father of my biological daughter. She has had the benefit of a healthy two parent home her entire life. If you tell her that she is beautiful her response will be "I know". Sadly that is not the case for these kids. They grow up through horrific experiences and deal with life situations that I as an adult do not want to handle. As a foster parent you are not give a clean slate to write on. Instead you are given a slate with large dents in it. You are given broken chalk because some techniques you want to try wont work. They may be ineffective because of improper use of a similar method in the past or sometimes things are just off the table because of what the kids came out of. Ever response to every situation becomes extremely important. the best part about doing this though is that as my wife said "You get a front row seat to God doing miracles".

Part 2

The role to my wife as a husband is subjected to study 24-7. This is a relationship that sometimes these kids have never witnessed. In other cases they have seen such a twisted version of how a man is suppose to treat a woman that a lot of un-teaching has to be done along with the teaching. This is were living Christ in front of the kids is so important. However, this also means that when I make a mistake I know that the consequences are amplied as well.

The role to the kids as spiritual leader is new territory for the kids. If they have had any church in their past the odds are they have not had a strong male spiritual leader. How do you take over such a role without having the connection of years of taking care of these kids? How do you being to teach love and respect for a God that until they came to your house they did not know existed? These are big questions that have to be answered. Personally, I think its just like every other thing in parenting....every child is different so the way to assume that role is slightly different. For instance, with Our Guy I did not start with Adam and Eve in the Garden. I started with David and Goliath and stories about David and his mighty men. I got him hungry to learn more and then started back in Genesis. It did not take long before he was asking me every night for his bible lesson and was even willing to give up his free play time in order to get it (sometimes) if we were running late at bedtime routine.

The role of providing for these kids is extremely important. They need to know they have a safe secure place to live and that their basic needs are going to be met. There are several cases in which children are pulled out because their needs are not being met. Our kids are a prime example of this. This means that you spend a lot of time especially early on reassuring the kids that they will get what they need. However, actions speak way louder than words. It takes time for that trust to develop. This can drive you nuts.

The role of protecting these kids. Physically protecting these kids is in an of itself more difficult. For instance, our two year old son refused to eat vegetables he wanted to eat everything else and get seconds, but did not want his vegetables. This is obviously not healthy and has to change, but you cant force a child to eat either. The solution we used was giving him a smaller initial portion of his other food and then I traded him bit for bit. Eat a bean you get another bite of chicken. We have now been able to wean him off of that and can just give him a serving of vegetables like everyone else.  I guess the easiest way to sum up this section is take all your original and "normal" expectations and throw them out the window. Have a goal in mind work toward it. Expectations come after you have been working on the goal for a little bit.

Emotionally protecting these kids is the hardest piece of protecting them. Basically, you cant actually protect them at all. They by law have visits and those wounds are going to be continually broken open. All you can do is be there for the kids. Try to help them learn to express their feels rather than bottling them up or just shutting down. Helping the older kids talk through and begin to understand their feelings. Helping them start to make strong connections with you so that they know someone loves them for them. Helping them feel secure enough to encourage normal development and in a lot of cases help them catch up.
Spiritually protecting these kids is not an easy task as I mentioned earlier. It takes constant work and being very intentionally in the things you do and say. Making sure these kids are pointed toward Christ while they are in your home.

You never know how long these kids are going to be in your home. For instance, our first placement was only 5 weeks. I had 5 weeks to show a 10 year old boy how a man was suppose to treat a woman. I had 5 weeks to show him that the God that created the universe though he was important. 5 Weeks to teach him the Gospel message. 5 weeks to be a strong example in his life. I pray that those 5 weeks changed his life and I pray harder that those 5 weeks  changed his eternal destination.

The TRUE ATLAS - A Fathers view

First, let me set everyone's mind at ease. I am not endorsing Greek mythology or attempting to validated it. However, I could not think of a better title when discussing the constant weight that a Father feels. If you continue to read this post then I am begging you to read it in its entirety. I do not intend to offend anyone, but some of you may be offended. I have no intention of discouraging anyone, but if you do not finish reading the post some of you may very well be discouraged.

When is a boy a man?
This simple question can cause hours upon hours of debate. Each culture has their own ideas and customs that shape their opinions on this matter. For instance, according to Jewish culture when a boy reaches his 13th birthday he has become a man and should receive the rights of every other man. Then you have cultures like the US who's laws and customs further confuse the situation. A prime example would be that a "man" has to register for the draft at 18 and has the ability to vote. However, he is not capable of  being responsible with alcohol until he is 21. In addition, the upper and middle classes have allowed "men" to extend childhood until they have graduated college. Once they do that then they are not a child anymore. At that point we can hold them accountable for their actions.  The truth is that when determining when a man is truly a man has nothing to do with age. It has nothing to do with when we are legally allowed to do things and it definitely has nothing to do with the completion of a degree.The American culture and Christian culture has failed men.

Who judges what a real man is or how a real man behaves?
This is a more complicated question with a much simpler answer. EVERYONE.
At least everyone has their own opinions on the matter. Then we compile the cultural and subcultural expectations and not only does everyone have an opinion, but that same person has several different criteria at work when forming their opinions. The most important person forming these opinions is the man's opinion of himself. However, his opinion is skewed by the same factors as everyone else. Please brace yourself for this next statement. American culture has not only made it hard become a Godly man it  dumped a mountain in the path of every male child. Unfortunately, the church tends to turn a blind eye to this fact and leaves young "men" to figure it out on their own. There is also a cultural side effect at work  here because "real men don't ask for help".

In summary, American culture has destroyed any benchmark a man previously could have used to "come of age". It has produced an environment in which young men are constantly fed negative messages, images, and misrepresentations of what a true man is. To finish the job it helped develop in men a sense of inadequacy and shame if they ask for help. This is the starting point that every Godly father has to overcome.

 Now for what you all have been waiting for.

#1 A Godly father must first understand the responsibility God has given him as a husband.

Read  Ephesians 5:22 -28

This scripture is widely misused and misrepresented by both those inside and outside the faith. The majority of them want to stop at verse 24. Feminists like to use this so show that Christians not only don't value women but they actually place them below men. While Christianity does place women below men Christians didn't do that. God did that. In fact, he also told us that you would have a bad attitude about it all back in Genesis. Before I get off on a tangent let me get back to Ephesians. The key to this scripture actually comes in verses 25-28. In these verses the husbands role in the family is explained. Verses 22-24 become more of a footnote in comparison. God tells the woman that her husband is her head and she needs to submit to him in all things. Then in 25-28 he turns to the husband and essentially says....Congratulations. I am entrusting my daughter into your care. It now your responsibility to daily give up your own wants, needs, and desires so that you can serve your wife. I will be holding you accountable for how well she is taken care of physically, emotionally, and most importantly spiritually. If a man wants to force submission upon his wife and claim that she is going against scripture he more than likely needs to reexamine how well he is fulfilling the role God has given him. There will be times when a husband and wife disagree on a course of action. In the end as above the final decision is the responsibility of the husband. However, if he is truly being a Godly husband then his decision is driven by his responsibility not his own personal motives. He is never allowed to make decisions that are best for him. He has to make decisions that he believes to be in the best interest of them as a couple and later in the best interest of the family. The wife of a Godly husband should know from experience that her husband is leading in such a way and submission should not really even be an issue. This is not to say there will not be strong arguments or that during the process a wife will be happy of the final decision. It simply means that in the end she will respect and abide by the decision. It also means that if the decision ends up being the wrong one she is not rubbing it in her husbands face.

#2 A Godly Father should have 1 main goal

We will keep it simple and stay in Ephesians. Ephesians 6:4

In verses 1-3 we see that children are suppose to obey and honor their parents. Then in verse 4 God focuses back in on the man. To paraphrase the man is not suppose to purposely frustrate his kids. Instead he needs to teach and train them to love and respect the Lord. TALL ORDER! Notice that this directive was not given to the mother. Fathers are not allowed to say my wife can handle the kids I just go to work. God places you in the same role for the children as he did for your wife. The Father is held accountable for how well he takes care of the children God places in his care. It is the mans responsibility to ensure A love and respect for God is instilled in his children.

The next few items are less controversial and so I will not be providing the biblical foundation. However, I will instead offer some insight into the male thinking/ interpretation of them.

#3 A Godly man provides for his family. 

This is a commonly accepted statement but many women fail to see the significance of it or how intensely it is felt by their husbands. God has built within men this desire to provide deep down every many knows its their responsibility. This makes financial stress on the family amplified 10 fold for a man. In fact, their is often shame and disappointment felt even if you are "making it". I will tell 1 story to illustrate this point. Once my wife wanted to go hang out and have a cup of coffee with a friend. At the time we did not have the extra money to spend on the gas it would have taken. To my wife it was a mild disappointment and no big deal. However, to tell her we could not afford for her to have a cup of coffee with a friend was like putting a dagger into my stomach. I had thoughts like this " What a great provider you cant even afford for your wife to have a cup of coffee". While this may be irrational the thoughts and feelings still exist. If you are a woman reading this do not suggest to your husband that your friend can pay that would make it FAR FAR worse.

#4 A Godly man protects his family. 

This is physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is another area that is readily accepted but can be difficult to actually carry out. The physically side of this is the part most people think about but that is the easy part. Emotionally and spiritually are hard because sometimes we have no idea what we are doing. In fact to emotionally protecting our wife and kids is extremely hard for us well at least me. Men are not nearly as attuned to emotions as women. Thus we have to work much harder to fulfill this part of our role.

There is obviously a lot more I could talk about but I have not even gotten to my foster care post yet and it is 2:40 AM. I will finish by reverting back to the title again. A Godly Father may not hold up the Heavens, but he does feel the weight of heaven upon him. God has placed a large amount of responsibility on men and we are in constant need of his Grace.

Every Morning

This is what we do every morning.....run out to the porch and give Daddy a BIG send off!  We all love it.

A Chance to Show Grace

When Our Guy first came into our home I was doing my personal devotions in Exodus and it just wasn't cutting it.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE Exodus and I love watching God work and reveal himself in Exodus.  However, I needed a reminder of what Christ did for me on the cross.  I needed to be told again the filth I was before Jesus saved me.  I needed to know how undeserving I was of the love I recieved.  So, I made my way over to Romans.  I have enjoyed watching Paul untangle the gospel message for the Jews.

While I was reading in Romans 5 I came across these words in verse 21. (NIV)

The law [Old testament Jewish law] was added so that the trespass [sin] might increase.  But where sin increased, grace increased all the more.

I had to read those words quit a few times to let the truth of them sink in.

Paul was saying that the Jewish law was added so that sin might increase.  See, the law was impossible to live up to.  It was set up so that the Jews knew just how far away from God's standard of perfect they were.  However, God used that in order that he could show his grace and love to his people (and then on to the Gentiles) through his son, Jesus Christ.

When my children turn against the standard I have set for them I often get frustrated and think, "why can't they just behave."  However, that is a wrong view.  What I should be doing is viewing as an opportunity to teach my children and to show them grace and compassion.  Seeing that my grace and compassion come from having Jesus Christ in me, by doing this I will be able to show my children him.  It doesn't mean I should be happy with disobedient children.  Rather I should thank God he has given me the opportunity to show who he is.

Teaching Kids to see God's World

White!

White is the color I see when I walk down the street, go to church, walk to our local school play ground, go to the store.  It is not the only color but it is the main color.   But this isn't necessarily what our children see.  Kids are color blind and can remain that way for a long time.  In fact, if you ask my two year old what color her skin is she will tell you "brown".  They don't see that labels that we as adults have been conditioned to see. 

In the adoption world world white is a minor color.  Children of other colors are over represented in the foster world and parents of the same ethnicity to foster them are underrepresented.  There are over 147 million orphans world wide.  The US represents only a half a million of these while Sub Sahara Africa has over 40 million orphans and India itself has 30 million (the largest orphan population in a single country).

We do not know what our child will look like but we know there is a good chance they will look nothing like us. We do know that as long as God keeps us down the path of the Philippians we will have one or two children with very different skin color.

We are excited to see the beauty and diversity represented in our family.  However, living in such a white world makes it difficult at times to open our child's eyes to other skin colors.  We have to be intentional about teaching her.  Here are ideas for families looking to add some color:


1. Dolls
Dolls have been a great way to naturally introduce our little girl to color.  Her favorite doll happens to not be white.  In fact neither of her top three are white.  When she gets older we have seen some great doll sets that are also doing some cool things in different parts of the world.  Maybe one day we will be able to obtain a Filipino doll for her also.

2. Little People
Another foster/adoptive mom introduced me to the idea of using Little People to add color to our lives.  This is probably one of the cheapest ways to do it.

3. Christmas
We don't have a Santa Clause up at our house, however, if you do this is another great way to show diversity.  A white culture assumes Santa is white.  So making Santa look different is great.  Also, I noticed in stores this last year that there are some really neat Nutcracker dolls from different ethnicities.

4. Books
Books are an amazing way to show diversity in color.  Typically at least one book we get from the library has children of different color.  A quick search on Amazon will find you a myriad of books.  I will admit that this is our most lacking area, which I hope to fix soon.


5. Rethink Jesus
The typical Sunday school portrait of Jesus draws him with a white frock, purple sash, long hair, white skin, and very Western looking.  Take some time to look at what the men look like in the Middle East.  Talk with children about the culture what men would of looked like.  Don't let them get sucked into that Sunday school picture of Jesus.  

6. Be Very Specific About Words
Our goal for our daughter to see color through God's eyes.  We don't point out that people are a different color then we are, we talk about other features they may have.  However, that being said (and this is so important) we also don't hide the fact that color is beautiful and wonderful.  We sing "Jesus Loves the Little Children" often.  We talk about how God created everyone and loves everyone.  People are special, beautiful, and unique.

The whole goal is to make color a celebrated part of our lives and God's creation.  We hope that no matter what our children's color happens to be that they will see their-selves.  Even if you are not adopting or fostering I urge you to be very specific in how you parent your child in this area.  Help them see the world through God's eyes, not human eyes.