Our foster kids qualify for free/reduced lunches. At first I really struggled with this, not because I had a problem accepting the help (when you go from feeding one little mouth to four over night it can take its toll on your budget) but because it meant I wasn't the one making Big Brother's lunches.
"Why do you have to make them?" Tony asked me one day.
"I don't know. It's what my mom did. I always liked that my mom made my lunches. I felt bad for the kids who had to eat at school. It seemed like there parents were too busy to make them lunch."
"But that's not how Big Brother feels. He thinks its cool to eat at school and making him lunch is taking up a lot of time that could be used for other things."
That was the moment it hit me. I couldn't and shouldn't be super mom. There are so many things that I've had to humbly step back from and realize that I can't be those things for my kids and my family, whether that's for a short amount of time or forever. It's not healthy or good for me to try and be a super mom. Instead of doing a few things very well, I will be stretched so thin I will do nothing well. So here is the "super" mom things I have had to let go of.
*Couponing: I used to coupon a LOT, and it saved us a LOT. I have no time to coupon anymore. I do still shop deals and sales. I do still hold price points on things that I won't buy until they reach that point. However, my Aldi shopping list grows bigger all the time.
*Emotional Problem Solver: I had a vision of being the mom who always had the words to say. The one that had the lap to sit on. I've come to realize I CAN'T be that for my kids. We've had to seek a lot of outside help and support to deal with the many emotions our kids are feeling and in turn that help is helping me get better at being the one to help my kids.
*Put Together Kids: Most days my kids show up to school with breakfast still on their face and snot running down there noises. And typically I don't have the wipe to clean it up with. I don't have the time to spot check each of my kids before they run out the door. It just doesn't happen.
*The Clean Van Award: One time my Dad went to vacuum out my van and I told him I had vacuumed it since I last saw him. He said he could tell. Yes, it's that bad. My van is pretty much a disgrace. We live in our van. We have so many appointments and meetings that we often eat in our van. Sometimes it's a meal and sometimes just a snack, but either way it gets dirty. There their are the toys the kids bring in the vehicle, the numerous paper work we pick up, and a ton of other random things. I usually cringe when I show someone the inside of my van.
*Discipline Extraordinaire: Every counselor and therapist we have ever had has commented on how "great" I do with the kids. I have to laugh to myself as I think, "Yeah, because your here, it's easier to hold it together when someone else is here." More often then not I hear a harsh, snippy, and impatient tone from my mouth. I have a vision of the get down on one knee, in a calm voice, mom I want to be, but I am far from it. The other day, after I had snapped at the kids, Baby Girl looked at me and said, "Mommy, I think you need to take a deep breath." Gotta love how God uses what you are trying to drill into their heads to come full circle into conviction.
*Top Preformers: Sometimes Awana isn't studied till the day before, sometimes I forget to give Big Brother his spelling tests, sometimes I do what Little Man's therapist asked me to do that week 5 minutes before she arrives, and sometimes we are late for an appointment because I had to fill out the paperwork (that I've had for three weeks) in the car before we went in. And that should probably be a be a little (or a lot) more then sometimes. Three counseling appointments, two therapy appointments, school, work, Awana, and just general life gets in the way of being on top of things like we should be.
There you go. My confession. I fail miserably as a mom. But that's ok. And I need to be ok with that. I can't be perfect (thank you God for your Grace that picks up my mess and loves me still). I just pray I can show my kids who they should turn their messes over to, who can be the super hero in their lives.