This is how the conversation usually goes....
"So do you know if you are going to get those kids yet?"
"Umm...no. We are still a ways off of knowing whether they will be adoptable or not."
"Oh, so there parents haven't given them up yet.?"
And que the fake smile while I die inside. This conversation is so-very-common, especially among other Christians. Often people assume that the parents are purely evil and we, as the foster parents are the great rescuers that have come into save these kids from the horrors of the world.
It's just. not. true!
Have bio parents made mistakes? Absolutely. Are there times, a lot of times, they need to loose the right to their children? Of course. But please listen to those questions. A mistake. Loose rights. We throw it around as if it's nothing. We treat bio's with a distance and disdain for where their children are at.
Can it be horrible? Awful? Sad? Yes. Are they greatly affecting their children in unrepairable ways? Definitely.
I have learned something........If a child can go home, if it is safe and they can be cared for, then emotionally that is so much better for them. (Even if it breaks my heart into a million and one pieces.)
The other day Baby Girl kept repeating, "Mommy, my heart is so SAD. It is taking a long time to get home."
We were walking home from the park and it was taking a long time, but I didn't understand why that made her sad. Suddenly it dawned on me, she wasn't talking about my "home", her current "home". She was talking about going home to her parents.
God instituted families. God desires families. God is NOT happy when they are ripped to shreds. Sometimes permanent separation is necessary, but that doesn't mean that the brokenness is part of how God wanted it. Sin is the reason for the brokenness, not God.
Yes, God ordained adoption. But that adoption is part of the brokenness of the sinful world we live in. It was how he offered us a way out the muck and mire that we try to call our lives. It was how he redeems us and offers the ability the be part of his family. It is how he redeems these children's hurt and broken hearts and makes them new.
Just a note to Christians: Before you judge the bio parents and judge them. PLEASE take a moment to remember what God did in your life. Remember how broken and lost you were. With out the Grace of God we are on the other side of the judgement ourselves!