Q and A: Adoption

The talk of adoption comes up a lot with Foster Care.  When I have a friend who brings a new child into their home I find myself wondering about the "a" word.  Here are the two most common questions we get along those lines.

Are they adoptable?
Sometimes Foster Parents can give a pretty definite "yes" or "no" on this subject.  We were able to with Our Guy.  Most times Foster Parents have no clue if their kids will be adoptable.  Plans for the family usually take over a month to formulate (at least where we live) and from there it is based on what our parents do and a whole lot of people who don't work with your kids directly.  It's rather scary, actually.  Foster Parents are pretty far removed from the decision.  In front of them are the Caseworker, the GAL (kids' attorney), the State's Attorney, and ultimately the Judge.

We are at a point in our case in which we think we know which way we will go.  We are not sharing what we think it is favoring at this time because it might not go that way or it might drag on for a LONG time.  Most kids are in the system for over a year.  Our kids are just about to hit 8 months.

The short answer is we don't know.  And we won't know until a Petition to Terminate is filed and accepted or the kids start the return home processes.  We live by court dates and decisions.

Will you adopt them?
For Tony and myself there is only one answer to this question, there has always been one answer.  After much talking, reading, counsel, and above all else-prayer, we came to the conclusion that when a child enters our home they stay here as long as the State allows.  We have lots of reasons behind that (and it would be a blog post in itself), but more then anything this is where we feel God has led us.  And when we pray about saying yes to children we do it with this in mind.

That being said, not every family has been led down that path.  Some families are strictly adoption (children who are legally free, infant or private adoptions, or international).  Other families are foster to adopt (children are not legally free but that is the path they are headed down).  And some families are just foster families (if a child is available for adoption then they are placed with an adoptive family).  Still others float between these based on the child(ren).  No decision is right or wrong, as long as each one is taken before the Lord.

So the short answer to this is, yes we will adopt if it comes to that.  The thing that actually surprises us is how many people are surprised by that.  We do desire to grow our family and we do feel God has chosen (at this time) to do it through Foster Care.  However, above all else we want these children in the home God desires for them.  

Weekly Goals

This was not such a successful week for goal completion.  However, I spent a TON of time working on Awana and was gone all Friday night and all day Saturday.  We spent yesterday doing some deep cleaning so I'm a bit more motivated to kick this week into gear.

THIS WEEK: SELF:
*Write a Getting Real blog post.

MINISTRY:
*Work on KC for 3 hours. (30 minutes)
*Work on Awana for 3 hours. (I lost track of how much time I spend on this.  It was between 7 and 10.  I'm almost caught up to where I need to be.)

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.
*Begin to fill out Little Man's paperwork.

KIDS:
*Work on Awana 4 nights a week with Big Brother and Addilece. (3 x's each)
*Do school with Big Brother 3 times.
*Do school activities with Little Man 3 times.
*Spend 1 hour doing specific sensory activities.

TONY & I:
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week. (2 times)
*Finish sorting papers for Tony from the request the last two weeks.

FINANCES:
*Have a bi weekly financial meeting.
*Update the check book.

THIS WEEK:
SELF:
*Complete the 1st week of the Couch to 5K program.

MINISTRY:
*Work on KC for 3 hours.
*Work on Awana for 3 hours.

FOSTER CARE:
*Fill out paperwork for Big Brother.
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.

KIDS:
*Work on Awana 4 nights a week with Big Brother and Addilece.
*Do 3 Fine Motor activities with Addilece.
*Do 4 to 6 school activities with Little Man.
*Spend 1 hour doing specific sensory activities.

TONY & I:
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week.
*Ask Tony what he wants done and do it.

FINANCES:
*Have a bi weekly financial meeting.
*Update the check book

A Book for Children in Foster/Adoptive Families

As we began our journey into the Foster Care system I started a mad search for a book.  I wanted something that would help explain to Addilece what was going to happen.  I came up with nothing.  There are lots of books to explain to Foster Children what they are going through (one we really like is Maybe Days) and explain to children why they don't look like their families, and what its like to be part of their family.

Then we ran across an interesting book in Little Man's Scholastic Book Order.  We bought it and it arrived the other day.  We were more then pleased when we got it home.  The book, Bear with Me. 

This a cute little book about a little boy whose world is perfect.  He has his parents and his blocks, but one day his parents bring Gary the Bear home.  Now his parents say their family is complete, but Owen is not convinced.  

This story goes through how Owen handles the new member of his family who takes his parent's time, forces him to share his toys, and snores.  In the end Owen discovers that new is not always bad, and is glad to have Gary in his family.

As this books walks Owen through his new life I saw so many of the situations that Addilece struggled with as we brought new kids into our home.  I highly recommend this book to any family bringing new children in their home.  This book provides an aid to help explain what it will be like to welcome new kids into your home at an age appropriate level.

I was not asked to give this review.  I also did not receive anything for this recommendation.

The Sweetest Words

"I uv ooo."

I stopped sweeping and tried not to drop the broom in my hand.  I turned to face Little Man, taking a deep breath.  Had I heard that right?  Had he really said "I love you"?

"I love you too buddy."

He gave me a quick smile and trotted off to play.  My world, however, had stopped. 

Baby Girl and Big Brother have given "I love you's" since the day they moved in.  They weren't real, we aren't sure they even are now.  Little Man held back.  We would say it to him and stop and repeat it just to make sure he had heard.  The words never came though.  He was very intentional about NOT saying it.

Six months later he let the words out.  And he meant it!  After that moment the words flowed freely from his mouth.  He was ready to love back. 

So many times we hear people say they could never do Foster Care because they could never love a child and give that child back.  I feel sad that they will not have the love in the first place. 

 We have no clue how long Little Man will be in our home.  However, we count it a privilege for everyday that we get to see those dimples, get those knock you down hugs, and hear those sweet words.  Our lives are better because of him!

Weekly Goals

THIS WEEK:
MINISTRY:
*Work on KC for 3 hours.
*Work on Awana for 3 hours. (5 hours)

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.

KIDS:
*Work on Awana 4 nights a week with Big Brother and Addilece. (BB-3 days, A-2 days)
*Do school 3 times with the girls.
*Do 3 school activities with Little Man.
*Spend  hour doing specific sensory activities. (We did not do set sensory time but our boys were major sensory seekers this week and they did plenty of what we would of done on their own.)

TONY & I:.
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week. (2 times)
*Ask Tony what he wants done most every week- file old paper work, iron shirts, and clean up kitchen

FINANCES:
*Have a  financial meeting.
  
THIS WEEK:
SELF:
*Write a Getting Real blog post.

MINISTRY:
*Work on KC for 3 hours.
*Work on Awana for 3 hours.

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.
*Begin to fill out Little Man's paperwork.

KIDS:
*Work on Awana 4 nights a week with Big Brother and Addilece.
*Do school with the girls 3 times.
*Do school with Big Brother 3 times.
*Do school activities with Little Man 3 times.
*Spend 1 hour doing specific sensory activities.

TONY & I:
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week..
*Finish sorting papers for Tony from the request the last two weeks.

FINANCES:
*Have a bi weekly financial meeting.
*Update the check book.