ONE

Well, this is two weeks late....sorry.....

My Sweetie Pea turned one on July 31st.  We had a party to celebrate the week before.  Tony and I are unsure is we will ever celebrate a 1st birthday again so we made a commitment to each other that we would enjoy it but we would keep the stress out of it.  I think that's what we did. 

It is such fun to have a 1 year old.  She walks EVERYWHERE.  She is so happy and so interactive.  She loves to be outside and be independent.  She loves, loves, loves to read (yes, that makes a momma super proud).  She will point to her  Bible every night b/c she knows that's what we read.  She wants to dance when she hears music and her favorite thing to do is interact w/ people.

I'm am so proud to be this rambunctious, opinionated, loveable, snugly little girls mommy.  God has blessed me beyond what I could ever dream.

ECUADOR

So I will not be on my blog for the next week and a half at least.  If you would like to follow our team's journey to Ecuador please hop over to our blog.  We pray it will be a blessing to you.

You Must Follow Me

I should really be preparing to leave for Ecuador tomorrow.  However, God really spoke to me in my personal time w/ Him this morning and I felt like it was something I really needed to blog about before I go.

I have been reading the Book of John.  John is one of the four gospels that is used to present the salvation message to Gentiles (non Jews).  It leaves out many of the traditional Jewish customs that are used in the other gospels and that often help in the understanding of the passage.  I did not purposely pick John in preparation for Ecuador but God has used to speak deep truths into my life.  How incredible is the God I serve!

Anyway, today I read chapter 21 (the last chapter).  Jesus was crucified and raised from the dead 3 days later.  He has already appeared the the disciples two other times and now is appearing to them a third.  5 of the disciples were out on a boat fishing, one of them being Peter.  Jesus tells them to let down their nets on the other side of the boat and they caught a huge catch.  They realize that it is Jesus on the shore telling them this.  Peter jumps out of the boat to greet him.  They all sit down for some fellowship over breakfast. 

While there Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves Him.  This is representative of the three times Peter denied Christ.  (Just a background of Peter: he deeply loved Jesus and was a great leader, later he would become the leader of the Christian church and die a martyrs death).  Jesus goes on to describe how Peter will one day be killed for his faith.  Peter sees another disciple approach and asks Jesus if he will also be killed this way.  This is what Jesus answers:

"If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?  You must follow me."

(Jn 21:22, NIV)

Wow!  Jesus is telling Peter your path is your path and his is his.  I give you each path for a reason and a purpose.  You must follow yours and not worry about where other paths may lead.

I think many times I don't understand why God has put me on the path he has.  But it doesn't matter.  It is my path and I must follow it.  I shouldn't be looking at others who seem to "have so much more then me."  I shouldn't be asking God why their path is what it is.  I should accept mine because God has a bigger picture in mind.  He needs me to follow my path for that picture.  If I don't will God's greater purpose still be done?  Absolutely.  However, I shudder to think the blessings he has for my life that I will be missing.

Peter went on to be a strong leader.  He did wonderful things for believers.  He reached many for Christ.  I'm sure God showered him with many a blessing when he reached heaven.  Over 2000 years later he is one of the most well known disciples.  (I'm sure Judas beats him).  His testimony and his faith are still encouraging and reaching believers and non believers.  1, 2, and 3 Peter are some very powerful books of the Bible.  He could have hid from God's path and God's blessing, but the cost would of been greater then anyone could imagine.

So as I head to Ecuador  I am excited to see how this twist in my path will lead to hopefully the ultimate gift, the glorification of God.  I pray that I will not miss God's path for my life or complain about it.  I pray I will accept it in faith and be able to do great things for Him!

If you would like to follow our teams journey into Ecuador please vist our blog.

Heart vs. Head

I've have begun to realize the daily battle between what my heart feels and what my head is trying to tell me.  I have talked about how hurtful it can be to listen to somethings others say.  (You can read that here and here.)  The battle ces in because many times I completely understand where they are coming from.  I may not always agree where people are coming from my head logically understands their point of view.  I also understand why they ask the questions they do becuase they are questions I've asked unknowingly.

However, my heart tells a different stories.  It can hurt many times by others words.  I know that person is not meaning to do this, but it just happens.  Part of it is probably a bit of jealousy and longing.  Becuase they are having converstations and thinking things that I never be able to think.  They are expirencing things that will never again be able to expirence. 

I constantly feel like two people.  My head is saying "its ok", "I understand", "well, that makes perfect since." While my heart longs for something it will never have.  However, even if they said and did everything perfectly that whole would still be there.  That is because that whole will never be filled by the most sensitive, caring, and understanding person.  That whole can only be filled by God! 

Many days I forget that.  Many days I feel like I need to fill that whole by blogging, journalling, avoiding the hurt, reading others stories.  While those are not necessarily bad things they will never get my to the point I want to be.  They won't allow me to be the best mommy I can be or the best wife for my hubby.  And they won't help prepare my heart for adoption.  They may be tools God uses but it is still Him.

I'm realizing God has a different story for everyone.  God puts them in those stories for various reasons.  I don't know if I could ever handle loosing a spouse or a child.  I don't know if I could ever face the fact that I won't be around to face my daughter.  However, God has chosen this family to see the mirical of adoption.  He has chosen us to put our whole selves into it (which is probably a completely different blog all together).  And for that I am thankful.  While yes there are daily struggles Tony and I can't believe the miricals and the joys (and even the trials and heartaches) that God will give us the privilage to see.

Just a Sneak Peak

Here is a Sneak Peak of Sweet Pea's 1st Yr. pics.  The rest will be on Facebook after her birthday party tomorrow.