"They are so blessed to have you." "You are the most wonderful person." "Aren't you just incredible."
Many foster and adoptive parents have heard these words uttered to them after they have confirmed that they child in their care is not biologically theirs. And it makes them cringe....every time.
Because we know that we just chewed our kids out royally. We know that the behavior they keep exhibiting because of their past is driving us up a wall and we are NOT handling it well. We know how miserably we fail, every day. We know how hard it is to love a child that doesn't love you back.
Some people will read this and declare, "well, every body fails."
Yes. We know that. However, I am convinced that Satan uses our inadequacies to whisper in our ears that we can't do it. He is constantly telling us that these kids deserve better or that these kids are good for nothing. We are reminded of how "easy" life used to be. He makes the desire to walk away so enticing.
There has been a lot of me at times that wants to walk away. "If these kids do go home then I can just walk away from this. I don't have to accept another placement. Everyone would understand."
And everyone would understand.
But God would not be pleased.
To give up and move on would be to throw the gospel message to the side and forget about it. Forget about what God did on the cross for me. Forget about how sinful I am, what a wretch I am. And how God looked past all of that and pulled me into his arms to say, "I love you. I desire you."
Wow. If only my head could fully wrap itself around the beauty of that. Then, I would never dream of giving up and going back to "easy".
The gospel compels us. For our family, this is where God has called us. To be be the hands and feet of Jesus, every day, to these kids. To live out Christ for them. And if I decided to turn my back on that then I treat the salvation that God has given me as unimportant and undesirable.