What Foster Parents Need to Hear

A few weeks ago this article floated around Facebook.  The information in the article is incredible.  It really IS what every Foster Parent wants you to know. However, the way it's presented is a bit harsh, so please be aware of that.  Don't let it turn you off to what is really said at the core of the article. 

My sis-in-law read it and asked what she could say instead.  Her comment was she would just not say anything if she didn't know what to say.  That was interesting to me.  One of the things that is so tough on Tony and I is when we feel like people are avoid a conversation about our kids.  We have people we see on a regular bases who don't even acknowledge our kids exists and it is heart breaking.  Because of this I wanted to give you five things you CAN say to a Foster Parent.  If you are a foster/adoptive parent and you want to add of change any of these, feel free to add a comment.

1. I'm praying for you!  We as Foster Parents desperately need prayer.  Please, pray for us.  And if you already are, let us know.  It is a huge encouragement and blessing to us. 

2. Ask about each one of my children, individually. We have FOUR kids, not three foster kids and one biological kid.  Please remember that.  When our kiddos first came to live with us everyone wanted to meet them and very few even acknowledged that Addilece existed.  We have some people who want to ask or talk to just our fosters and others who want to ask or talk to just Addilece.  Each of our kids are ours and each need people to love them and invest in them.  AND each is very different from the other three.

3. How are you doing?  We live in a society that asks that question but doesn't want to hear the answer.  If you ask us, be ready to listen to honest emotions and feelings that come out of our mouths.  Sometimes we just need to talk.

4. How can I help you? Recently a Pastor took 2 minutes to help me get all my bags and kids into the church.  It was great.  We often run around with our heads cut off.  Sometimes an extra set of hands makes a world of difference.

5. Is there anything you need?  Foster Parents often needs something, usually babysitting.  Taking time to list to what they need and then finding a way to help can re leave a lot of stress.  Even if we don't need something at the time it helps us know that you care enough to listen and offer.

Goals

 

We have quit a few crazy week.  It was better to just forget about any goals.

SELF:
*Complete week 3 and start week 4 of the Couch to 5K program.
*Write a "Getting Real" blog post.

MINISTRY:
*Work on Awana for at least 3 hours.

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.

KIDS:
*Do 3 fine motor activities with Addilece.
*Do 3 school activities with the 3 year olds.
*Spend an hour doing specific sensory activities.

TONY & I:
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week.
*Ask Tony what he wants done and do it..


FINANCES:
*Have a financial meeting.

Sorry for the Quiet

It has been awfully quiet around the blog lately.  We have had some rather stressful weeks around here.  It's been really hard!

Tony worked almost sixty hours last week AND had 12 hours of school.  He has also put in some hours this week.  I have had meetings and appointments for the kids these last two weeks.  Awana is at it's craziest point right now.  It all sorta came in like a storm.

Things are hopefully looking up though.  No school for Tony this weekend, although he will probably have a rather long Monday at work.  For various reasons our kids won't have a visit this weekend, so that is one less thing to worry about.  We are taking the kids to the Circus this weekend (our Almamater has a circus. It's one of the few still remaining and it is spectacular.  Plus, we get discounted tickets as Alum.)

Tony's birthday is Sunday, which means steak - YUM!  My husband is the best steak griller I know.  Tonight I am surprising him by giving him a guys not with a couple of good friends.  I just took out the last batch of cookies, have his favorite pops stashed away, and have a Happy Birthday banner and brownies in the plans.  I'm hoping it's a good night for him - he certainly deserves it.

I'm hoping this weekend will be relaxing for us all.  We really need a chance to reconnect as family and have some fun.  It won't end the stress in our lives but hopefully we will go into this next week a little more refreshed.  Hopefully I will be able to pick back up on blogging next week.

Until then, I'll leave you with this adorable picture of Tony painting Addilece's nails.  Anybody who knows Tony KNOWS that he just doesn't do these sorts of things.  However, when his little girl insists that it needs to be him that paints her nails, he steps up to the plate to show how much he rocks as a Daddy!

Picture Perfect: First Day of School

We had our FIFTH (yes, you read that right) first day of school.  Baby Girl and Addilece are now in the same PreK class together.

Picture Perfect: Easter

We had a great Easter.  It was fun having the kids in matching outfits.  My mom came to spend the weekend with us, which was incredible!  We enjoyed church and did an Easter Egg hunt.  This year we also "hide" ribbons all over our yard in hopes that we will see them in bird's nests this spring.

"Dear Friend": From a Foster Mom's Heart

Dear Friend,

So you got to see my child in all of her glory today.  I know it's not the side of herself she usually lets you see, but it is a reality of everyday life for her.  Like every human out there, she has good moments and bad moments, pleasant moments and moments we would like to never remember again.

I just wanted to let you know that my child is not a heathen, hellan, devil child, or rotten brat.  Rather she is a deeply hurt little girl whose emotions bubble over.  She has been through things you couldn't even imagine, let alone begin to process.

My little girl is three.  She isn't always good at saying that she feels mad or sad, but hey, neither am I.  She is trying to cope with the topsy turvy world she faces the best her little three year old self knows how.

Many times you see a put together, sweet, smiling, little angel of a child.  I hate to tell you, but most days that is not the heart of the little girl that stands before you.  Rather there is a deep sadness and confussion in this child.

But today was different. Today she chose to let her gaurd down and allow her emotions to break free.  She broke out of her fake world for just a little bit to show you some of her heart.  I know it was hard for you to see her that way, but please refrain from passing judgement on her.

Until you have stood in her shoes you will never understand the depth of pain she has experienced.  Those shoes are so much smaller then yours or mine, but they have walked more miles of hurt then either of us cares to even imagine.

So next time you see my child screaming in the corner, banging on a window, take some time to stop.  Get down on her level, look in her eyes.  Think for just a minute what her world is like.  And before you offer up unkind and unhelpful words, see if you can see beyond the fit and into her heart.

Love,
A Foster Momma

Weekly and Monthly Goals

Confession:  I completed some of these goals today, hence the late posting.  At least they are done right?

MARCH GOALS:
SELF:
*Complete the first two weeks of the Couch to 5K program. (Ran twice but the weather just hasn't been warm enough.  The only thing weirder then 7 inches of snow on Palm Sunday was the 82 degree spring last year)
*Read 33% of the The Out-of-Sync Child (21% done)
*Finish 100% Save My Sanity 21 Steps Projects. (67% finished) Start and complete 33% of Spring Cleaning 21 Steps Project. (36% complete)

FOSTER CARE:
*Write case worker a thank you note.

KIDS:
*Take Baby Girl on her date. (I actually took Addilece on one also)

TONY & I:
*Do 2 in home dates.
*Do 1 date outside the home.
*Write Tony a love note.
*Sit down once a month to re-evaluate schedules and cut what needs to be cut, add what needs to be added.

FINANCES:
*Pay off a set amount of debt. (45% complete)
*Save 17% for an anniversary trip (50% total).  (58%)

THIS WEEK:
SELF:
*Complete week one of Cto5K
*Write a Getting Real blog.

MINISTRY:
*Work on Awana for 3 hours.
*Work on KC for 3 hours.

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.

KIDS:
*Work on Awana 4 nights a week with Big Brother and Addilece.
*Do 3 school activities with the 3 year olds.
*Do 3 fine motors with Addilece.
*Spend 1 hour a week doing sensory actives.

TONY & I:
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week.
*Ask Tony what he wants done this week and do it.

FINANCES:
*Have a financial meeting.
*Update the check book.


APRIL GOALS:
SELF:
*Complete 4 week of the C to 5K.
*Finish 50% of The Well Connect Child
*Complete 100% of the "Save My Sanity" 21 step project.  Complete 75% of Spring Cleaning.

MINISTRY:
*Plan our Award nights and Banquet for Awana.

FOSTER CARE:
*Finish court reports and turn them in.

KIDS:
*Complete and turn in Little Man's paper work for his ADOFF.

TONY & I:
*Spend two nights a month on an in home date.
*Spend one night a month on an out of home date.
*Write Tony a love note once a month.
*Sit down once a month to re-evaluate schedules and cut what needs to be cut, add what needs to be added.

FINANCES:
*Pay off a set amount of debt.
*Save 17% for an anniversary trip (75% total).