Supporting Foster/Adoptive Families: Holiday Edition

Trees are being put up, presents wrapped, Christmas music is blarring everywhere.  It's a time to be joyous.  However, in many foster and adoptive Homes things are not feeling very joyful right now.  There are more meltdowns and fits, behavior at school it worse, parents and kids are both tired. 

This is a hard time for kids from hard places.  They miss their birth families and wish they could be with them.  They may not understand the traditions in their new home or they miss old traditions.  They may have certain expectations that get in the way of enjoying themselves.  They may be overwhelmed by the concerts, the people, and the hustle and bustle.

If you are looking to support a foster or adoptive family this is a great time of year to do it.  Here are a few practical ways that you could consider in helping support a foster/adoptive family this Christmas. 

Wrap Gifts:  An increase in children often means an increase in gifts.  Wrapping all of that can be an overwhelming task for many parents.  Stop by their house, pick up a load of toys, and bring them back wrapped a few hours later.

Shopping/Babysitting: Some families need time to get out of the house and finish Christmas shopping without their kids.  Even an hour at the mall play place could be a huge blessing.  Others know exactly what they need and would rather not add the tension by having a babysitter come in.  However, someone getting it for them while they are already at the store is a huge blessing.

A Meal: On top of many appointments a family has each week they are now dealing with they also have shopping to do, family get togethers, Christmas programs and more.  A meal would be a welcome relief in their day.

Gift Cards: Extra gas, more nights out, more presents to buy.  A gift card to take the finicial burden off of all of that would be a blessing to many families.

Taking Over the School: Is one (or more) of the kiddos in charge of something like home baked goods or a game for a school party.  Maybe you could take over that item and relieve the stress for the parents.

Sometimes Christmas turns into survival mode for many of these families, rather then a time to celebrate.  We have been very blessed to have others support us in many of the ways above and know first hand the stress it can relieve. If you are a foster or adoptive family what are ways people have supported you this year?  If you are a support family, how have you supported a foster/adoptive family in the past?

Supporting Foster/Adoptive Parents through Prayer

Foster Care. Adoption.

It makes you feel lonely.  You are defending your parenting to everyone you come across.  Some think your kids are horrible and you should be harder on them.  Others think your kids are the best thing since sliced cake and when you give them a glimpse into reality (ie temper tantrums, rages, manipulations) they think it's all your problem.

In foster care you are dealing with caseworkers and their bosses, CASA's, GAL, States Attorney, transporters.  Each has their own opinion of how you should be doing things.  Kids from hard places often have IEP's (Individualized Education Plans....a plan a school has to follow for that specific child).  You have counselors and therapists.  Doctors.  Parents who adopt (typically internationally) are dealing with the child's birth country, counselors, international doctors, and others.

And you feel like you have to maintain a certain standards, not let others see the struggles.  You are unsure who to trust when things get hard.

For me, there is a small reprieve from this when I get a text from my sis-in-law, "How can I pray for you?  How is this going?"  A simple action that means the world.  She doesn't have to know every gritty detail.  She never judges.  She simple asks, listens, and follows through by praying.

It's not hard.  Find a family today who is fostering or (is) has adopted.  If you don't personally know someone, then do a quick google search.  (You can also look at my side tab for families.)  Send them a quick text, email, or facebook message.  Or better yet, talk to them in person.  Leave the judgement behind and simply listen, then pray for them.  It WILL make a difference.

Give Away Christmas

Well, Thanksgiving weekend is well underway.  Today many people will head into stores looking for all those good deals.  We will also do some of this.  However, as you search out all those deals then I pray you take a moment to focus on how you will spend your money this Christmas.

Each year Americans spend BILLIONS on Christmas.  Take some time to watch this video by Advent Conspiracy and then take some time to check out the three amazing companies below.

Ornaments for Orphans:

"Ornaments4Orphans exists to bless these precious children by connecting their needs with Christmas tradition.  Ornaments4Orphans sells beautiful Christmas items hand-crafted in impoverished communities, then uses the proceeds to enrich the lives of orphaned and vulnerable children. Ornaments4Orphans also strives to combat the global orphan crisis through orphan prevention. The local artisans employed by Ornaments4Orphans experience a reliable income which enables them to provide for their families.  They put food on their tables, enroll their children in school and purchase the medications which will hopefully lengthen their lives."

We bought our kiddos ornaments, teachers gifts, and parents' ornaments (sorry for the spoiler alert) from here.  They are gorgeous.  We will probably by our kids' ornaments from here next year also.

147 Million Orphans:

"The 147 Million Orphans Foundation was created to impact the lives of children through the provision of food, water, and medicine. We invest directly in projects that help provide these basic needs to those who desperately need it, and most of our projects occur in Haiti, Honduras, and Uganda."

147 sells beautiful clothing, jewelry, bags, and more.  Started by Gwen and Suzanna, who were united for their love for the fatherless around the world.  

Claro Candles:

 

"Every candle purchased through Claro has a different giving outcome that fights social injustice in our world.  Whether your purchase plants a tree, provides a meal, sends a child to school, or fights for the rights of abused women, your purchase has a lasting impact in the life of someone in need.  Burn a candle.  Bring light."

 Each month Claro focuses on a different ministry by which to distribute the money they have made through the sale of candles.

What was your most memorable Christmas gift?  What was it so meaningful?

What is your favorite "reaching out" company to invest your money in?  Share the information in the comments section.  If you  have a blog post that shares great Christmas ideas please link it below.

<a target="_blank" href="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=hsnyder&postid=27Nov2013"><img border="0" src="http://www.blenza.com/linkies/graphic.php?owner=hsnyder&postid=27Nov2013"></a>     

You CAN Help: Sacrifically Give [Up]

147 Million is a daunting number.  It's easy to look at the number think it's too big to make a difference.  This is especially true if you don't feel called to foster or adopt.  However, I believe there is a part for everyone.  You CAN Help!

One thing you can do is you can sacrificially give by sacrificially giving up.  Everyday, we as Americans, make choices of how to spend our money.  Many times this is extravagantly.  I very much include myself in this.  While my husband and I stay pretty frugal and don't spend a lot of money on extras we still could give up.  (Our $8 a month to Netflix is an example of this.) 

So what can you give up?  Is there something that cost $5 to $10 a week that you could sacrifice to fight for the orphan?  Starbucks coffee? A magazine? Going out for lunch? Pop? Ice cream? Going to the pool? Those new shoes? Having an at home date rather than a going out date? 

One person could save $260 a year for the orphan.  With an adoption costing $30,000 this doesn't seem like much.  But let me put it to you this way...I have an average of 40 view per post and if each person did this it would be.....$10,400.  That is ONE THIRD of the cost of an adoption saved by just giving up $5 week by the small number of people who read this measly little blog.  WOW! 

So is there something you can sacrificially give up to give away to love an orphan?

Here are some organizations you may consider donating to:

Show Hope: Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife are the founders of this organizations.  Their desire and dream is to bring the fatherless closer to a father (family) through grants.  They also have Maria's Big House of Hope for disabled orphans in China.

Lifesong for Orphans: Like Show Hope, Lifesong for Orphans desires to bring children into forever families.  They are also working to provide Christian housing, schooling, and food to orphans who will never see a family.

Project Hopeful: Carolyn Tweitmeyer cares for the least of the least of these by supporting families who are bringing home children with HIV, Aids, and other "adoptable" diseases/illnesses.

Local Orphan Care:  Does your church have an Orphan Care Ministry?  Check them out and see what you can do to support them. 

Orphanages:  There are orphanages around the world that desperately need funds to keep their doors open. PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT advocating you type in "orphanages" into Google and support the first one that pops up.  Know who you are supporting before you do!

Foster Care Ministries:  Communities and churches are starting to open their hearts and eyes to the local orphan, the foster child.  Is there a ministry locally that you could support that is doing this?  Check out The C.A.L.L. in Arkansas or The Forgotten Initiative

You CAN Help: Adopt a Family Adopting/Fostering

Many times I hear "I wish I could do that" or "I would be so afraid my heart would be broken" when I talk about our foster care/adoption journey.  There are was You CAN Help, even if you are not called to specifically foster or adopt.

One of these ways is you can adopt a family that is adopting or fostering.  I know what you are thinking, "I just said I wasn't CALLED to do that."  Hang with me here for a minute.  A family who is walking to path of foster care or adoption is under a lot of stress and pressure.  They are welcoming a new child into their homes (one who is typically not a new born, has different genes and personality then they do).  Beyond the "normal" things that need to be dealt with in adding to ones family they are also dealing with a child who they have little or no medical history for, attachment issues, and the scrutiny of the public and the agencies they are working with.  Many times they are now placed in a fish bowl for the world to view how they parent these precious children.

I know many families who would love to be taken under someones wing.  That extra support would mean the world to them.  Here are some ideas:

PRAYER:  This is the first and most important.  If you have a desire to support a family going through this process please PRAY for them.  They will covet your prayers!

MEALS: Could you bring a meal to the family?  It doesn't matter if its a week past bringing the child(ren) into their home or six months, daily tasks can still seem overwhelming at times.

HOUSEWORK: A new child(ren) means more dishes, laundry, toys, and just general mess.  Coming to clean once a week, once a month, or just once could truly ease a burden.

BE INTENTIONAL: Many times adoption brings a drastic change to a family.  This could be two children suddenly become "twins", a family with teens now has a toddler, or a family jumps quickly in numbers.  This brings about a whole new routine for church, school, shopping.  Be intentional about seeking this family out to help in these matters.  Maybe that means they need the door at church opened when to walk up with their double stroller, maybe this means delivering or picking up some of their children from Sunday School (with their permission), or maybe this means being available to take care of some of the kids so they can get things they need to get done for their other children.

BABYSITTING: All I can say is....YES, YES, YES!  Foster/adoptive families are desperately in need of free babysitting.  Whether it is the ability to run a few errands on their own or enjoy coffee date with their spouse these families could use the relief.  Even a few hours to breathe can make a world of difference to them. 

Many adoptive and foster families feel alone.  They are dealing with unique problems and children that are hard for others to understand.  Coming along side them to love and support them would bless them and you!

You Can Help: Fundraising

The Orphan crisis is massive.  While most numbers still range at 143 to 147 million orphans, UNICEF is now pushing numbers closer to 163 million.  That means the number of orphans has risen by 20 million in 5 years (when I first began hearing these numbers).  That is staggering.  However, one by one something CAN be done.  You can do it. 

Often the reasons people give for not doing something is not being called to do it.  I won't argue who is called and who is not called to adopt.  However, I do argue that because orphans are God's heart, we as believers are called to take care of them.  One way to do that is to fundraise.  These funds can go to a family that's adopting, a family fostering, an orphanage (such as Eagle's Nest in Guatemala), an organization that helps orphans (such as Lifesong for Orphans), or an organization that helps families who are adopting to raise finances (such as Show Hope). 

Garage Sale
Garage Sales are awesome ways to clear out the clutter in your house and raise money for the orphan.  Take one week a year to dedicate to this.  Hang a sign that tells where the proceeds are going (and the percentage that is going there--you don't want to trick people into thinking that 100% goes to families when you only plan on donating 50%).  Often when people see that money is going to a good cause they are apt to buy more or give more.  Ask friends and relatives to donate items they are no longer in need of to make the garage sale bigger and more profitable.  Make sure you know about the organization/family that the funds are being given to and include pictures if possible.

Craft Sale
Do you craft items (jewelry, hair bows, scrap-booking pages)?  Make them and sell them. 

Facebook
Recently I've seen some very powerful fundraising done on Facebook.  Set up a group and encourage people to donate.  This is especially significant if you put a challenge behind it such as: It will take 18 months for this family to receive a referral so donate in 18's ($.18, $18, $180).  

Host a Big Ticket Event
Host an event that is "big" and sell tickets to it.  Some ideas include: Daddy/Daughter dance, Valentine's Couples Banquet, Dinner Theater.  You will have to spend a bit of money to make this event possible.  Rally friends around you to help keep cost low but value of the night high.

Make sure you always pray over an event and give God the glory for the success He has allowed you to have.  Do your research before supporting a cause or organization.  I know many families in the adoption/foster world who would be thrilled to hand over fundraising to a friend so they could concentrate on paperwork and home-studies.  Check out more fundraising ideas here or here.

You CAN Help: Become a CASA

I started a series on practical ways in which you CAN help and you CAN make a difference in the orphan crisis.  I'm a firm believer that taking care of orphans is a mandate for the church, not a suggestion or a guideline.  However, I believe many do not feel called to foster or adopt and are not sure what to do.  In December we looked a having A Wise Christmas.  Now I want to talk about being a CASA.

What is a CASA?

A CASA is a Court Appointed Special Advocate.   CASA's are appointed to foster kids to be their advocate.  They are there for the kids and the kids only (and will be the only person in that court room that is there for only the kids).

What does a CASA do?

A CASA will be given a court order that will allow them access to any information they want.  There job is to talk to the many different people (teachers, birth parents, foster parents, doctors, counselors, etc) involved in these kids lives and figure out what is truly best for the children .

How much work is a CASA?

Being a CASA is not easy.  They take one case at a time and those cases can take a year or two.  Initially a CASA has meetings about once a week and as things settle and decisions are made it may only be once a month.  It is a time commitment, but one I feel is well worth it!

How great is the need?

The goal of the courts is to have one CASA per case.  However, there are just not enough to go around.  In our county we have two supervisors with 30 CASA's per supervisor.  Our judge determines which cases need a CASA most.

What do I need to become a CASA?

First you will need a heart that desperately loves these kids.  You need a little bit of time and flexibility to your schedule.  You'll have to do some pretty intense trainings (I believe its 40 hours worth), and on going training.  You'll also need a little bit of thick skin.  You are the advocate for the child and only the child, which means you may make others (birth parents and foster parents in particular) upset.

CASA's typically have a lot of say in the case (in our county the judge agreed with them 92% of the time).  This is a way to make a BIG difference in the lives of children.  You will be able to see things that no one else can see.  I know a few CASA's and they are pretty incredible people!  I know God has His hand on them as they wade through their cases.  I pray that if we get a CASA they will be as incredible as those I know.

To learn more about being a CASA check out their website. 

A Wiser Christmas Idea

I love teens who are passionate about serving God and loving on orphans....teens who GET IT.  Suzanne's daughter Grace is one of them.  Check out her blogpost about her tree with a purpose and some great Christmas ornament ideas.

You Can Help: A Wise Christmas

Christmas is the time of year when most of us spend the most money during the year.  First watch the video about Advent Conspiracy.

This year consider changing a few of the gifts you purchase in order to have your money work for those in need also.

147 Million Orphans: This organizations sells clothing, bags, and jewelry.  50% of everything sold goes to clean water, feeding programs, education programs, and more.  My brother-in-law bought me a shirt here last year and it was my FAVORITE gift.

Gobena Coffee:  Named after the 70 year old man who took care of their daughter, Gobena sells organic and fair trade coffee.  100% of their profits go to children in Ziway Ethiopia.

Orphaned NO More, 3,000 Bracelets:  The name of this comes from how many bracelets it would take to bring their child home.  Since this family brought Sophia home the baton has been passed.  I can personally attest that these bracelets are beautiful as my sister-in-law gifted me one last year!

One Twenty Seven: Adorable hair bows.  100% of the proceeds to go Lifesong for Orphans.  Again helping in Ziway Ethiopia. 

TOMS: TOMS one for one campaign gives shoes to children in need.  For each pair you buy, one pair is donated.

World Vision: The World Vision catalog provides you with items that you can give to others: animals, clean water, medical care.  These gifts can be for US children or Orphans and Widows.  Give this gift in honor of someone.