The Day of Diagnosis

We waited almost a year to get the diagnosis.  A year of evaluations, TONS of paper work, and phone calls.  Finally, the day arrived and we packed up our kiddo and headed to the Pediatric Specialists office.  It was our 5 year anniversary and my facebook status said this:

"This night five years ago was a night I got very little sleep as I excitedly waited to marry the most incredible man the next day. Never would I have imagined that five years later would be another night of little sleep as we wait to sit in a doctor's office with one of our kiddos. Excited and nervous to finally get the answers that we set out looking for 11 months ago."

 A couple of hours after walking into the doctors office we walked out this the diagnosis......Autism.

We weren't upset or shocked, just completely relieved.  And we stayed on cloud 9 that night and the rest of the weekend.

Then Monday came.  Our anniversary weekend was over, our diagnosis wasn't as fresh, and we were back to the daily grind.  We were left wondering one thing.....what now?

We had no clue where to go or what to do from here.  We needed to make decisions and didn't know how to make them.  There was one other thing pressing in on me....

"How am I going to raise this child?"

I wish I could say I knew the answer to that question.....I don't.  However, I'm doing what I do best.  Researching, reading books, reading blogs, finding support.  And by the Grace of God we are raising our special needs child one-day-at-a-time.

Journey through the Court System Part 1

The court system for foster care is complex and confusing to say the least.  I think most people have NO idea what it is like until they live it.  I'm going to try and break it down for you.  I will do a pre adoption/return home goal change and a post adoption/return home goal change post.  This is for Illinois ONLY!  I'm not sure how other states do it, but I would assume some of it is pretty similar.  Also, I know I am going to get some of this wrong, feel free to correct me and I will update the post.  At this point I'm not going to share where we are in system.

• The kids are removed from the home: Children can be removed from their home for emtional, physical, medical, or sexual abuse.  Children can also be removed for neglect.  
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• Shelter Hearing: A shelter hearing happens within 48 hours of a child being removed from their home.  At this time the evidence for why they where removed is presented.  If a child was unfairly removed then the child is immediately returned home (not very often).  Typically it is found that there is convincing evidence for the removal.  The child is then taking into temporary DCFS care (it doesn't matter if the child is placed with a private agency or DCFS....DCFS is the one who takes guardianship).

• Adjudicatory Hearing: At this hearing the biological parents are charged with abuse and/or neglect of the minor.  They will either plead guilty or not guilty.  If its pretty clear they did it then their lawyers will recommend they plead guilty.  If they plead not guilty and are found not guilty the child is returned home.  Typically they are found guilty and charged with abuse and/or neglect of the minor.  They have forty days to appeal this or they can wave the appeal.

• Dispostitional Order: A dipostional order means that full guardianship of the child is taken by DCFS.  We are actually NOT the children's guardians and thus can NOT make those decisions.  Neither is our caseworker.  All of those things go above his/her head.  We ARE the kids educational advocates meaning we can sign off on field trips and IEP's.  We can NOT sign off on athletic events of any sort (if our kids want to play soccer, it has to be approved).  We are not their medical guardians either.  While we can take the kids to basic appointments.  We can not sign off on any medication or procedures, that is DCFS's job. 

• Status Hearings: Status hearings take place every 3, 6, or 9 months.  MOST take place every 6 months.  I don't think they often take place 9 months out.  If it is happening in shorter spurts (3 months) that that means that you are either getting closer to termination or to return home.  Visits are another way to tell this.  A parent is given the right (typically) to seeing their child at visits for two hours a week.  If the visits are increasing in length and frequency the child is getting ready to return home.  If they are decreasing in frequency the parents are getting closer to loosing rights.  At each status hearing the parents plan is reviewed and goals gone over (the family is given a plan for what needs to be done to return the children home and the parents are given goals to accomplish).  The parents are either found fit or unfit at each of these.  The goal is then set at Return Home-5 Months, Return Home-12 Months, or Substitute Care-Pending Termination. 

• Goal Change: At some point (I believe Dispositional, but it my be Adjudicatory) the child is given a goal (see the three listed above).  If it's Return Home-5 Months the children can be returned home any time in the next five months.  The parents at this point will have been found fit because they have met all their goals.  Return Home-12 Months means that the child will continue to go through Status Hearings.  The parents have not completed services but the courts are still trying to return that child home.  Substitute Care-Pending Termination means that there will be a Termination Hearing.  The parents are not completing services and the court feels the best interest of the child is to end those parents' rights.

Are you confused yet?  Yeah, me too, and I have lived it.  Next Friday I will post what happens ofter a goal changes to Return Home-5 Months OR Substitute Care-Pending Termination.

Catching Up

I haven't blogged in over a month.  WHY?  Partially, very very busy.  Partially, what's been on my heart and mind are not what I feel comfortable blogging about quit yet.  So here are 10 random things just to give you a quick update on life:

1. I am loving homeschooling Sweet Pea.  LOVING IT!  However, at least 5 times a week we have a converstation like this:

Her: "Mom, I'm not gluing the beans onto the "V".  I'm just putting them where ever I want.
Me: "Ok, but that wasn't really the POINT.  The point was the glue them on the "V".
Her: "Yeah, but I just want to do it this way."

2. Speaking of "Sweet Pea", we have chosen to given all four kids a "code" name on the blog.  We will slowly be switching "A" to "Sweet Pea" in all blog posts....for her safety.   It's something we talked about when she was born, but thought it was no big deal.  Of course I was getting 5 people (thanks to um...our PARENTS I'm sure) to read the blog, and now I'm getting in the 60's and I have no clue who most of them are (not that I don't know them....I just don't know who reads it).  So thank you to each of you!

3. I'm staying on top on Awana paperwork this year....which is pretty much a miracle.

4. Big Brother is doing great at school.  He is having a superb year.  So proud of him!

5. Tony will begin class number 7 of 12 this weekend.  OVER HALF WAY!

6. It has gotten COLD here.  Snow?  In October?  What is that?  The kids were pretty excited.

7. Little Man is quit the snuggly bug.  I love it.

8.  The converstations from the girls while playing make believe is, "I came up and told you....."  "Yeah and pretend that I did...."  It's adorable and makes me smile every-single-time.

9.  Daddy broke it to the girls the other day that he wants o take them to the Ballet again this year.  They thought they were going THAT DAY.  We had a bit of a let down on our hands.

10.  A few months back we had to replace our washing machine because ours died.  This past Sunday we got it's match for a great price (thank you God!).  I've never been so excited to do laundry.  Our old machine sounded like a train and took forever.  We dried everything on high for as long as it took and it still wasn't truly dry.

Homeschool/Public School-A Mom's Heart Part 2

If you have read the first post for this you need to do so here.

Sweet Pea loved it!  Life got even better for me when Baby Girl was given a spot (for various reasons) by the PreK teacher.  I had my afternoons all to myself.  Awesome right?  Not so much.  Addielce's excitement lasted about two weeks.  Then she started complaining of being sick, hating school, wanting to stay home.  Lots and lots of tears (by both of us).  Her teacher and Tony and I tried what we could to pull her out of it, but it never really got better.  She hated it.  I was a devastated momma who felt like a failure again.

But God did one thing in those moments....he answered the question we had asked:  Please make it clear one way or another if she should be in this program next year.

So where are we this school year:

*Public School:  Big Brother, Little Man, and Baby Girl all attend public school (BB for a whole day, the other two for a half).  They have wonderful teachers, an amazing staff, a school disctrict that cares for them deeply.  They also get the high structure they need and are able to work on socialization skills (something they all struggle with in varing ways) in a way they can't at home.

Again, this is required, but even if it wasn't.  This would still be our choice.

*Homeschool:  Sweet Pea is home with me.  I still hear complaints (can't I just build a block tower) and sometimes wishes of going to the other kids school (I really want to play on the playground again).  She still runs to hug her old teachers (isn't it amazing she has that relationship with them) and she misses her friends.  However, homeschool is going fantastic.  Our relationship is deepening.  She is bubbling with joy.  And I am enjoying teaching her.  I can't describe the smile it brings to my face, every day.  I keep repeating to Tony how much fun we are having, he's gotten to the "uh-huh" stage of listening to that statement.

And where will we be in the future:

Well, the three in public (if we adopt them) will probably stay there, as long as we are in this district.  I couldn't ask for a better environment for them.  If we were to a move to a new district I would be ok pulling them home if I needed to.  However there are some that I would pull home before others.

Sweet Pea will be a year by year decision.  Right now I would like to keep her home next year, but we will need to do a lot of praying first.  The kindergarten teachers are just top knotch, so that makes the decision so much harder.  But she is doing so well in the home environment, that I can't imagine pulling her out of it at this point. 

My hearts in both places.  My kids are in the best places they could be right now, for themselves.  They are all thriving in their current environments but probably wouldn't be in another environment.  I'm thankful that we can do what is best for all of them.

What is your schooling choice?  Why?  Is there anything that has changed your mind throughout the years?

I did not mention private school because 1. we couldn't afford that at this time and 2. we really don't have any experience with it.  We have a great private school close, but right now that isn't an option for us.

Homeschool/Public Shool-A Mom's Heart

Please note that this post is NOT meant to argue one side or the other.  It's simple to talk about our journey to our current school situation and our thoughts for the future.

We did fine in the public schools, so our kids will do just fine.  '

That was our thinking when we got married.  In fact at one point Tony was completely against homeschooling all together.  Our parents had their reasons for sending both us and our sibs to public school.  They were great reasons, and we completely agreed with them.

Then I was pregnant or had just had Sweet Pea (I think pregnant) and I spent an evening at a godly couples house working on a project for Orphan Sunday.  She talked about her choices for school for her three girls, how her thoughts had been the same as ours.  She shared how her oldest went to Kindergarten and suddenly their world changed, they didn't like what their child was learning at school.  Their children experienced a number of different schooling options, and now they are amazing young ladies on fire for the Lord.  I wanted my kids to be like them!  The  more I read for homeschooling families, the more I liked many of the common themes (a togetherness as family, a control of teaching, more time home and less time being "busy" at school)

Fast forward to the summer before Sweet Pea would traditionally enter a Preschool (and by traditionally I mean by today's standards, the rates at which our kids go to Preschool are incredibly high compared to what they were when I was a kiddo).  We had ordered a homeschool material and were thrilled.  Soon we got a call to take in three kiddos, two would be home while I was trying to teach Sweet Pea.  This didn't phase us and we pushed forward with our plan to homeschool.

The school year rolled around and I was more then ready.  The five (turned six) year old we had taken into our home....well, he needed more structure then our everyday environment could give him.  Suddenly this homeschooling convert was begging for the school system to take her child.  PLEASE!  I felt like a complete failure.  

Side Note: We are required to send our foster kids to the public school, we have no choice.  We are also STRONGLY encouraged to send preschoolers to some sort of schooling or structured daycare.  However, even if I could have homeschooled I wouldn't have...I NEEDED him to go. 

In October Little Man entered the ECSE (Early Childhood Special Ed) program with an IEP.  In March we got asked a question I never expected: "Sweet Pea is next on our list to start PreK, talk and pray about it, let us know."  Hard question.  See in the months that had passed homeschooling was not what I expected.  Having a three year old that is all artsy, a curriculum that was so NOT, and a high needs little girl who was emotionally not handling things well...life had pretty much become a night mare.  I knew that the PreK program was creative based ant the teachers....well, let's just say we couldn't of found better ones if we have searched for them ourselves.  They were incredible!

So we said yes.  Good bye homeschooling.....find out the rest of the story next week.