Hello, Goodbye

On the 4th we said "Goodbye" to our guy.  Everybody was a bit suprised he went home SO soon. 

We know why he did though......

Because we needed to say, "Hello" to three littles. 

On the 9th or 10th around midnight we opened up our home to three beautiful and amazing children.  They are also FULL and overflowing with ENERGY.  When people ask how I'm doing I typically respond, "I'm alive and my house is still standing."  (We weren't quit sure that the house would make it through the first day.)

So we are now the parents of a 5 year old (Big Brother), our little 2 year old Sweat Pea (Addilece), and twin 2 year olds (Little Man and Baby Girl).  By October we will have a 6 year old and three 3 year olds.  We are ready for a WILD ride!!!

Home

Tomorrow Our Guy heads home.  He gets to be a family again.  He gets to be a son to his mom again.  We are thrilled for him.  It's time. 

We are glad that our worries about this kiddo and his home are minimal.  We are glad he has a mom who can care for him.  We know many kids leave the foster system so full of unknowns that there foster parents always worry and wonder.

We have been blessed to see Our Guy grow and change over these last five weeks.  He is now able to listen to the entire plan of salvation and not agrue about hell with us.  He has told us he loves us.  He has proven that he can disagree disrespectful and can keep his temper under control.  He has proven that at times he can think of somebody other than himself.

We know there are things we were never able to convey to him.  We also know he refuses to accept some of the advice we have given him.

He has a world of choices ahead of him and we hope he makes the right ones. 

We were never the perfect parents but we know we did exactly what God asked us to do...share Him with our kiddo.

Two Worlds

"When I go back home to live with my mom am I going to still have visits with you?" 

"No bud.  We'll give you our phone number and you can call us any time you want and hopefully we will get to spend some time with you.  But you won't be able to have visits like you do now."

He's torn between two very different worlds.  A child stuck in between two places he desperately wants to be. 

A mom he desperately loves. Free reign. Family. History and heritage. Freedom.

A family with a DAD. Swim lessons and vacations. Time and attention.

He wants both worlds.  He cares about us.  But he can't have us.  His time here is limited and short.  He will go home...soon...and he is happy about that.  But when he does who is going to play Uno with him?  Who is going to throw a baseball with him? Who is going to think he is the best thing in the world and tell all their friends, "that's MY brother"? 

He's not sure how to reconcile that we will move on with life, bring other foster kids into our home, adopt.  His picture will remain on our walls and in our hearts but we will move on.  He, however, will always wonder.

DADDY

You can hear the screech arcoss the house....."DADDY"....as my 2 1/2 year flings open the front door and runs out to greet her Daddy.  She throws herself into his arms.  He picks her up and swings her around, making her giggle with glee.  Her smile could light a city block.  In his arms everything is right.  She knows she is loved and cared for.  She knows she is safe.  Daddy's arms are her refuge.

Her "brother" watches quietly from the sideline.  "Hey bud." Tony says.  He gets a quiet, "Hey" back.  Our guy doesn't find refuge or safety in those arms.  See he doesn't accept Tony as Daddy.  And he never will.  While he feels safe here he still does not consider this his home.

I'm not sure he has felt safety and love and joy that comes from flinging himself into any Daddy's arms.  But he can.  God is waiting, arms wide open, to accept him.  He wants more than anything to hear that squeal of "Daddy" and our guy to fully commit himself to him.

That is why we do what we do.  That is why we are foster parents.  It's not so we can feel that love or that admiration (although it would be really nice and very welcome if it did come).  It is in hopes that we will see our kids fling their arms open to the heavenly father who will never hurt or abandon them. 

 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs and fellow heirs with Christ.

Romans 8:15-17

Picture Perfect: Vacation

We headed to the Indiana State National Dunes this past weekend.  We enjoyed four days of camping, hiking, and the beach.  We were thrilled to be able to spend the day with my sister and her family.  We also took Our Guy on his first real vacation.  Here are a few snapshots of the weekend.

Focusing on the Good

In my last post I mentioned that of the four people in our family I was probably struggling the most.  Part of it is boundaries that push against my personality (I have too much compassion and grace) and so I can get walked over too easily.  But I wanted to share some of the awesome things that have been happening as a way to encourage myself more than anything.

*Our guy went to Tony's younger brother's graduation two days after moving in.  Tony's family rocked!  They were just incredible.  Our guy told his mom that he felt like he fit into the family and that he wanted to be a pitcher (in baseball) because all of Tony's brother's were pitchers.

*Four days after moving in: when someone (outside of our immediate family) he got mad and said that was "his chair."

*He has asked a million and one Biblical questions.  He is spouting off the next before I can answer the first.

*He loves doing nightly Bible times with Tony.

*He convinced his mom to go to church with him.  (Can't wait to find out if they actually did).

*We got to hear him pray more then just a rehearsed prayer.

*He thanked God for being part of our family.

*He will claim Addilece as his sister.

I think I will be doing a post like this every once in awhile because it puts a smile onto my face.

Our Guy

So our guy has been here about a week.  I just wanted to update you on how everyone was handling the situation.

Our Guy:
Well, over all I think he transitioned in pretty well to our family.  We sat him down with in the first 48 hours and layed down some rules and guidelines.  We also made it clear that we would not only be his last foster family, but while he was here we would consider him family.  We are having some problems but I think those were exsiting ones which his former foster family has been working on for 5 months. 

Addilece:
Over all I think Addilece is happy.  Our guy has been a lot more excepting of her over the last three days, playing with her more like a sibling.  He even asked her for a hug when he left for a weekend at him with his mom today.  We had a very tender hearted daughter at first.  She would cry at the drop of a hat and wanted Daddy or me and no one else.  We've seen her return back to normal lately (minus her sleeping...she is still ending up in our beds most nights).

Tony:
Tony is amazing with Our Guy.  He has been doing a Bible Lesson with him every night.  He is firm but caring.  He takes special time to play games and do sports with him.  Tony's word is golden and he handles Our Guy much better than I do.  When Tony's here there are very little agruements.   

Me:
Of the four of us I think I am having the hardest time.  Our Guy struggles with lack of structure and teaching for the first 10 years of his life.  He also feels pretty entitled.  This brings a lot of disrespect from him.  I'm not even sure he realizes he is being disrespectful but he is.  If I say anything negative (ie...I don't want you to....Or I need you to stop....) I get met with a "BUT" and an argument about how he is not in the wrong. This is said pretty disrespectfully.  My husband is very wise however and has been giving me a lot of good tips on how to deal with it.  My biggest problem is keeping my emotions in check.   

Just Arriving......

Last week I walked into church and my friend said, "you sorta left your blog with a cliff hanger."  Yes, indeed, I did.  We did that for a reason.  I didn't want to declare something and then have to pull it back if for any reason it didn't happen.  However, we now have a readied room, borrow sports equipment in the house, and today I went online and checked out some free summer reading programs.  All in preparation of our 10 year kiddo we are getting.

We had the privilege of taking Our Guy for a weekend respite (a foster child can not be out of a licensed foster for over 23 hours and if the parents need to be gone longer then that respite is provided by another licensed foster home).  He seemed to do well with Addilece so when we were asked if we would consider taking him after the school year answer we said yes.

The whole thing is a bit surreal.  It doesn't feel real that he is coming tomorrow.  It doesn't feel real that he will be here for lunch and every meal on out for a while.  It doesn't feel real that we will be dealing with everything that goes into raising a child in Junior High.  We know it is real though.  We are looking at sports for him to play and discussing pool passes, so it is very real.

Honestly, Tony and my emotions have been all over the place.  We have dealt with extreme sadness and grief as we face the reality of Our Guy's past.  We have been excited as we look at the possibility of putting him into football and taking him on vacation.  We have felt uneasiness as we discuss rules and guidelines that need to be in place for a child this old.  We have also felt confusion, joy, love.  I have a friend that I do playdates with in the same town he is currently living in, this has been overwhelming being so close but so far away.

More than anything we are praying.  Praying that God would open his heart to hear scripture and truth.  Praying that we can see past anger and bitterness and see the heart of this child.  Praying that we will glorify God above all else in our parenting.