Monday, October 4, 2010

Eating Humble Pie

My sister (whom I love dearly and is an amazing friend) and I had a conversation this weekend about parenting.  Her having 2 and me having 1, all close in age, that is what MOST of our conversations are about.  We were talking about the things that we swore we would never do or let our child get away with before we were parents.  However, being parents you quickly realize that you can throw all of that out the window.

I'm very fortunate.  I had great parents as examples, was surrounded by Godly advice from people like Dr. Dobson, and had tons of experiences with kids.  I thought I knew most of what their was to know about parenting.  I knew it would be hard, I knew I would have trials, but over all I wasn't too worried.  Then the doctors place a beautiful 7 lb 9 oz child in my hands and walked away.  Suddenly it wasn't all so easy.

Right after I snapped this picture I realized I shouldn't let her stand on the chair....ooppss!

I'm quickly discovering that my child is going to do almost everything I said they would NEVER get away with.  I had always planned that if my child ever threw a tantrum in public we would do one of three things: 1. I would walk away from her, 2. I would spank her, 3. We would immediately leave the store.  However, I then experienced my first public tantrum before the age of one.  I was beyond baffled.  I couldn't leave her (I'm sure DCFS would of loved me for that).  I discovered spanking her in public is beyond difficult (plus she had never been spanked before and delaying punishment till the bathroom was not reasonable for her age).  And I couldn't leave because she wasn't going to know the difference, plus I had shopping that NEEDED to be done.  So what did I do.  I got her to a more private area, called my husband about in tears, and distracted her with a toy.  I think I would have scolded myself before I had kids.

I'm learning that books and experts only go so far.  Each child is different, each child is unique.  Each child MUST be raised differently.  I'm also discovering that at least half of parenting is a guessing game.  My sister and I like to run things by each other:  "what do you do about this."  Sometimes we can give advice and other times we are just as lost as they are. 

So daily now I eat humble pie as a mommy.  I realize that I truly had no right to judge those other parents.  God gave me my child to raise for a reason and them their child to raise for a reason.  Their are a 100 different ways to accomplish the same goal and each child needs a way that fits them.  I think I could read every single parenting book available and STILL be baffled by the things my child did that I SWORE they would never do. 

Watching a You-tube video....something I thought I would never let her do at this age.
However, it is also doing on other thing.  It forces me into a position to completely rely on God for my parenting answers.  I'm constantly praying for wisdom that can only come from Him.  Sometimes that's is in books (Bring Up Girls is great) and other parents and sometimes its in the "wow that actually worked" moments (which are even more humbling).  I'm learning that neither I nor my daughter will get through her child hood with out a LOT of prayer.  God has definitely used her to get me on my knees admitting I can't do it on my own.


Joy said...

Your ideas definately change when you have a baby! Well, some of mine have stayed the same, but like you most got chucked out the window. Do you like Dobsons "Bringing ups Girls". I've only read "Bringing up Boys".

Tony and Heather Snyder said...

Hey Joy.....Yes, I like the book. Its very focused on Dad's though. So unless you can get Brian to read it I think you'll be pulling your hair out trying to impliment things. It has forced me and Tony (especially Tony) to be much more intental about things we do w/ her.