Taking Time to Look Back

Addilece's birthday brings about a mixed bag of emotions for Tony and myself.  We are beyond thrilled to have a child who is a year older.  We feel so blessed to be her parents.  However, it also brings memories filled with a whole range of emotion as we relive the hours and days after our child's birth.  Things like the sinking feeling as I sat on the hospital bed, having just been cleaned up, to feel more blood (an abnormal amount of blood) gush out onto my pad and even my bed.  Holding my new baby girl's picture in ICU realizing I had been apart from her longer than I had been with her.  How glorious that turkey sandwich tasted after going with out food for so long.  Sending our child to the nursery so we could pray and cry together, just be together.  Having our Pastor and his wife pray over us.  Taking a shower.  Walking.  Good and bad, they all come back to me. 

Addilece's birthday fell on a Sunday this year.  So, when one of our friends asked about it being her birthday I asked him, "Can you believe it's been two years?"  He said, "I can't. I remember it well.  We were really praying for you guys."  I don't think I will ever forget the look on his face.  How grateful I am for him and his wife.  I'm grateful because I know there are a few out there like them who haven't forgotten.  They were walking right beside us back then and continue to walk beside us now. 

Looking back, remembering all of these things, connecting in a unique way with people who are so dear to us, allows me to see the journey God has had us on.  He given us a passion to help the hurting and lost deeper than I could ever imagined.  We are less focused on ourselves and see God's bigger picture for our lives.  We have learned to grieve while resting in God's reassurance and blessings.  Our faith has grown as we see God's sovereignty play out in our lives. 

I would love to hold another newborn in my arms again.  I would love to discuss who they look like "mommy or daddy".  But never at the expense of where we are now.  God has us on this amazing journey, first into adoption world, and now into the foster care world.  He is opening our eyes to His heart.  I could never give any of that up.  I know God's heart and purpose is so much greater than anything I could ever fathom.

This song, Blessings by Laura Story, is a great summary of what these last two years have been to us.