Yesterday I cleaned our frig. Really scrubbed it. Inside and out. It took me 45 minutes. Let's just say it was the first time I've cleaned it since we got the kids.....yeah, I'll let YOU do the math on that. It was d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g!!!!!
All day I have been opening that frig and a huge smile spreads across my face. It feels go good to have something clean and fresh. The 80 degree sunshine at the end of October doesn't hurt matters either.
This may not seem like a BIG deal and you may think "just clean your frig." However, I can spend hours working on attaching and behavior with our children each day.....HOURS! It makes the house come last often.
But today it's clean. It's so incredible!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Wait, What?
So the other day I talked about a few of the triggers our kids have that affect the way we daily parent them. Here is a story from our Little Man today:
When we left to take him to school the day was overcast by warm (for the end of Oct very warm). By the time we went to pick him up it was pouring down rain.
I knew as soon as we left the school we had a problem. Little Man began to freak out as rain drops hit his head. I tried to keep it light and fun by grabbing his hand and running to the car. I pretty much forced him in, thinking we would be ok if we could just get out of the rain.
We weren't though....he began to get more and more upset. He wanted to sit in the back of the van, he wasn't happy about me strapping him in, he wanted his book bag but wanted me to see his 3 ring binder inside, HE wanted to show me the binder not have me take out the binder, and on and on. It's hard with his communication level to know whats bugging him until he's already starting to go down a winding road of being upset.
We drove the five minutes home with him screaming. I unstrapped him and forced him out of his seat (he wanted to stay in). Then I pulled him into my lap and began quietly talking to him. 5 minutes later he finally calmed down to a light whimper.
Then it was time to go inside. Oh yeah....the rain. He stode in the van saying , "hat, hat, hat" over and over again. All of me wanted to tell him "it's JUST rain, come on." However, instead I sprinted in, grabbed a jacket with a hood, and ran back out. Then I stood in the rain and put it on him.
During all this I'm thinking, "He loves the splash park, he's a water bug, he loves to pour water on his face....what is the big deal? But, oh yeah, he hated when I put him in the shower instead of a bath." So what is this little guys trigger.....water hitting the top of his head. He HATES it. But he LOVES water. Go figure.
Needless to say he was ALL smiles as he trotted inside. Then he stopped where water was dripping off the over hang and giggled as he let the water run ALL OVER his face. Never a dull moment around here. :)
When we left to take him to school the day was overcast by warm (for the end of Oct very warm). By the time we went to pick him up it was pouring down rain.
I knew as soon as we left the school we had a problem. Little Man began to freak out as rain drops hit his head. I tried to keep it light and fun by grabbing his hand and running to the car. I pretty much forced him in, thinking we would be ok if we could just get out of the rain.
We weren't though....he began to get more and more upset. He wanted to sit in the back of the van, he wasn't happy about me strapping him in, he wanted his book bag but wanted me to see his 3 ring binder inside, HE wanted to show me the binder not have me take out the binder, and on and on. It's hard with his communication level to know whats bugging him until he's already starting to go down a winding road of being upset.
We drove the five minutes home with him screaming. I unstrapped him and forced him out of his seat (he wanted to stay in). Then I pulled him into my lap and began quietly talking to him. 5 minutes later he finally calmed down to a light whimper.
Then it was time to go inside. Oh yeah....the rain. He stode in the van saying , "hat, hat, hat" over and over again. All of me wanted to tell him "it's JUST rain, come on." However, instead I sprinted in, grabbed a jacket with a hood, and ran back out. Then I stood in the rain and put it on him.
During all this I'm thinking, "He loves the splash park, he's a water bug, he loves to pour water on his face....what is the big deal? But, oh yeah, he hated when I put him in the shower instead of a bath." So what is this little guys trigger.....water hitting the top of his head. He HATES it. But he LOVES water. Go figure.
Needless to say he was ALL smiles as he trotted inside. Then he stopped where water was dripping off the over hang and giggled as he let the water run ALL OVER his face. Never a dull moment around here. :)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Keeping It Straight
Parenting kids from hard places means remember "triggers" or things that set these kids off. We've go three kids to not only figure out but keep straight. I know that every child is different and has different personalities but this can go much deeper then for these kids....
*Little Man needs his food cut up into little pieces in order for him to be able to handle it
BUT
*Little Man does not like things like crackers, granola bars, or banana's broken in half.
If either is done wrong then we have problems.
*Big Brother doesn't like milk......most of the time.
*Little Man likes milk....sometimes....AND when he does he gulps it.....BUT he will ask for it either way.
*Baby girl loves milk but takes forever to drink it....or anything.
*Little Man sometimes really really likes to dress himself.....BUT most days if you hand him clothes and ask him to do it sets him off and his communication plumits.
*Baby Girl is stubborn.....if you try to FORCE her into ANYTHING you will get a major fit.
*Big Brother wants to try nothing and hates you to push him but is often thrilled when he can do something on his own.
*Baby Girl HATES dresses....even if she is the one who chose to wear it. HOWEVER, if she chooses a dress and you say no....there is a problem. BUT if you put a dress on her that she chose she will probably have an aweful day b/c she doesn't truly want the dress....just the control.
*Big Brother can handle no more than 1 step directions. If you try to give him more you overload him and he gets an attitude and can do NOTHING.
*Little Man is a big big helper and loves it....UNLESS you hand him something and expect him to do it on his own (rather then being YOUR helper). Suddenly he doesn't know how to do anything.
Got it?
GREAT.
Now can you teach me??????
And that's just a small glimpse into our daily lives.
*Little Man needs his food cut up into little pieces in order for him to be able to handle it
BUT
*Little Man does not like things like crackers, granola bars, or banana's broken in half.
If either is done wrong then we have problems.
*Big Brother doesn't like milk......most of the time.
*Little Man likes milk....sometimes....AND when he does he gulps it.....BUT he will ask for it either way.
*Baby girl loves milk but takes forever to drink it....or anything.
*Little Man sometimes really really likes to dress himself.....BUT most days if you hand him clothes and ask him to do it sets him off and his communication plumits.
*Baby Girl is stubborn.....if you try to FORCE her into ANYTHING you will get a major fit.
*Big Brother wants to try nothing and hates you to push him but is often thrilled when he can do something on his own.
*Baby Girl HATES dresses....even if she is the one who chose to wear it. HOWEVER, if she chooses a dress and you say no....there is a problem. BUT if you put a dress on her that she chose she will probably have an aweful day b/c she doesn't truly want the dress....just the control.
*Big Brother can handle no more than 1 step directions. If you try to give him more you overload him and he gets an attitude and can do NOTHING.
*Little Man is a big big helper and loves it....UNLESS you hand him something and expect him to do it on his own (rather then being YOUR helper). Suddenly he doesn't know how to do anything.
Got it?
GREAT.
Now can you teach me??????
And that's just a small glimpse into our daily lives.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Redemption
Do you remember a few days ago I talked about a visit our kids had in which their father did not show. Baby Girl had taken this visit especially hard. She felt rejected, abandoned, alone, unworthy, hurt.
She was angry at her father.
The next day something had been said to Baby Girl by her older brother that had been very hurtful. I went into the girls' room that morning to help them get dressed and to help smooth things over. I told my girls that they were beautiful. I told them that it didn't matter what they looked like or what they wore. I let them know that God looked at their insides, at their hearts, and to Him they were beautiful, special princesses.
The rest of the day Baby Girl would run up to me with a smile on her face and declare, "I'm a pin-cess, Mommy." Over and over and over again she said this. For the first time in three months she accepted the fact that she could be a Princess. She accepted that she could be beautiful. She felt worth in herself.
And that, my friends, is the healing and redemptive power of Christ. We are able to speak the healing power and light of God's word into a very dark and hurt little heart. We are seeing God heal this special little girl from the inside out. We again are awed and humbled by being front row to God's miracles.
The next day something had been said to Baby Girl by her older brother that had been very hurtful. I went into the girls' room that morning to help them get dressed and to help smooth things over. I told my girls that they were beautiful. I told them that it didn't matter what they looked like or what they wore. I let them know that God looked at their insides, at their hearts, and to Him they were beautiful, special princesses.
The rest of the day Baby Girl would run up to me with a smile on her face and declare, "I'm a pin-cess, Mommy." Over and over and over again she said this. For the first time in three months she accepted the fact that she could be a Princess. She accepted that she could be beautiful. She felt worth in herself.
And that, my friends, is the healing and redemptive power of Christ. We are able to speak the healing power and light of God's word into a very dark and hurt little heart. We are seeing God heal this special little girl from the inside out. We again are awed and humbled by being front row to God's miracles.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Rejected
"The visit went alright, but only mom was there."
-Sigh-
I knew that the words that our kids' Transporter had just uttered could mean disaster. I wondered what world wind of emotions and behavior would surface in the next 24 hours.
It hit Baby Girl the hardest.
"Baby Girl, where is your hair thing?" She hands it to me with a clump of hair that stayed in when she ripped it out. "You know your beautiful?" "NO." "You are. You are such a beautiful little girl." Covers face and says again, "No."
Unworthy.
Words like "I miss mommy." and "I want my daddy." tumbled from her mouth.
Loneliness.
Disrespect to both Tony and myself and refusals of hugs were the order of the night.
Rejection.
A rough supper time meal filled with many tears.
Hurt.
Time spent together at bedtime talking about the day in which she informed me that she missed her mommy and daddy but was angry at her daddy.
Abandonment.
A little girl whose heart was deeply stung by what she feels is her father's rejection. We are praying that one days these kids will come to know a Heavenly Father who believes they are worth wild, beautiful, special. A Heavenly Father who will never abandon or reject them.
-Sigh-
I knew that the words that our kids' Transporter had just uttered could mean disaster. I wondered what world wind of emotions and behavior would surface in the next 24 hours.
It hit Baby Girl the hardest.
"Baby Girl, where is your hair thing?" She hands it to me with a clump of hair that stayed in when she ripped it out. "You know your beautiful?" "NO." "You are. You are such a beautiful little girl." Covers face and says again, "No."
Unworthy.
Words like "I miss mommy." and "I want my daddy." tumbled from her mouth.
Loneliness.
Disrespect to both Tony and myself and refusals of hugs were the order of the night.
Rejection.
A rough supper time meal filled with many tears.
Hurt.
Time spent together at bedtime talking about the day in which she informed me that she missed her mommy and daddy but was angry at her daddy.
Abandonment.
A little girl whose heart was deeply stung by what she feels is her father's rejection. We are praying that one days these kids will come to know a Heavenly Father who believes they are worth wild, beautiful, special. A Heavenly Father who will never abandon or reject them.
No, I will not abandon you as orphans--I will come to you.
John 14:18, NLT
Monday, October 8, 2012
One Amazing Guy
One thing that Foster Care has taught me.....my husband is amazing. Rarely does a day go by that he doesn't do something that makes me stop and say, "wow, he is just incredible."
Tony has been working over time a lot lately. Last week was his "easy" week...................he put in 5 to 10 hours of overtime. Yikes. And what does he do EVERY night. Wrestling, flips, books, school work, house work, baths, bed time routines, wife encouragement and SO MUCH MORE. And what does he do for the weekends. More wrestling, flips, and books. He also does house repair, any activities that need to be done, dishes, laundry, and so so so much more.
Often moms get the brunt of the work in Foster Care. And in some ways that's true. I do most of the day to day disciplining and house work. However, to have a husband who comes home and never (sincerly never) says, "I just need a break." or "I can't be Dad tonight." is mind boggling. He gives and gives and gives and is often under appreciated for it.
Do you get my point yet? That he is amazing? He sacrifices everything for his family and I mean everything. I'm not sure why God gave him to me, but I'm humbled and thankful. And I'm beyond blessed that my kids get to call him Daddy.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Little Man Begins School
He handled his first day really really well. He was given his own three ring binder. He showed it to me FIRST THING when I picked him up. He then showed it to me another 3 times before nap. When he arrived at school this morning he pulled it out of his bag again. I love to see him take possession of things as his. So far he has been all smiles when school is mentioned.
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