When God Speaks

Bitter, angry, frustrated, heart broken.  That's how I started my morning.  It was barely after six and already one of our kiddos was showing some pretty big attitude.  Major melt down mode was happening because I had ask this child to read quietly or play with a puzzle while I did my devotions.  This is a standing rule in our house and this child knows the routine.

Tony took over and sent me off to go spend some time with God.  I just sat there shaking my head, asking God WHY?  Why wasn't the time I had spent with them enough? I had tried so hard to connect this time. How could someone so angry, be so hurt? How could people do this to a little child? Why can't my love reach deep enough to heal?  Why after such a great week were we back at square one?  Would this child ever heal?

The truth is I could of spent every minute with this child since they had gotten home from their visit the night before and this melt down would of still happened.  Their hurt runs so much deeper then our love and reassurance that we could give.

God met me in a big way in my quiet time.  I was reading Psalm 29 and it talks about the power of God's voice.  Seven verses of nothing but describing the awesome power of when God speaks.  I kept whispering "Please let me hear your voice today.  I need to hear your voice today."  Then in verses 10 and 11 it says this:

The Lord sits enthroned over the flood;
    the Lord is enthroned as King forever.

The Lord gives strength to his people;
    the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Strength. Peace.

God's mighty voice brings.....peace and fills us with strength.  I just sat there quietly, in awe for my God.

And God met me in a big way that day.  My little thing calmed down quicker then they ever have on a "bad day" and became real again. They sat on my lap telling me with real and honest words what was wrong (through genuine tears no less), and they did it before they got in trouble again.  

AND I found out something neat about them...they like Twix.  For six months we have been trying to break through walls with this child to figure out who they are.  The manipulation and ability to be a chameleon have made the real them almost non-existent.  But now they have a candy that is all their own.  It brings such a smile to my face.

The God whose voice thunders over the waters, strikes lighting, twists oaks spoke strength and peace into my life in a very real and tangible way.

Weekly Goals

 

This week had a really weird ending.  Our furnace went out on Saturday morning and we quickly (as in 3 hours....packing for six is HARD) and went to my mom and dad-in-law's house.  We are so thankful that they are close enough to us that we can stay here and still get the boys to school on Monday.  Anyway, my hopes for a productive Saturday went out the window.

LAST WEEK:
SELF:
*Finish the current chapter in The Well Connect Child by Karyn Purvis and read the next chapter.
*Decide on first 21 day Project. (I was going to do Lifebooks but I think I'm going to do "Save My Sanity"....more on that another day.)
*Post on "Getting Real" Blog

MINISTRY:
*Work on updating paper work for Awana for one hour, 3 times this week. (2 hours)
*Work on sorting clothing for King's Closet for one hour, 3 time this week. (2 hours)

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.

KIDS:
*Do Awana with Addilece and Big Brother 4 times. (2 times)
*Work on speech with Baby Girl 3 times. (1 time)
*Work on school with Big Brother 3 times.
*Do 3 school activities with Little Man. (1 time)
*Do school with Addilece 3 times.
*Spend one hour on Sensory Activities. (none)
*Finish Little Man's Calender (none)
*Take Little Man on a date

TONY & I:
*Set up Babysitting for night out.
*Read the Bible together 4 nights.
*Do an in home date. (Oreo's and milk with a movie)
*Ask Tony what he wants done for the week and complete tasks. (completed all but 1: clean out the freezers.)

FINANCES:
*Have a financial meeting
*Balance check book.
*Set a date for a debt meeting.
*Save for anniversary trip. (22% for the month, 4% for the trip)

~~~~~~~~~~

NEXT WEEK:
SELF:
*Finish the next chapter in The Well Connect Child by Karyn Purvis.

MINISTRY:
*Work on updating paper work for Awana for one hour, 3 times this week.
*Work on sorting clothing for King's Closet for one hour, 3 time this week.

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.
*Work on reports.

KIDS:
*Do Awana with Addilece and Big Brother 4 times.
*Work on speech with Baby Girl 3 times.
*Work on school with Big Brother 3 times.
*Do school with Addilece 3 times.
*Do a school activity with Little Man 5 times.
*Finish Little Man's Calender

TONY & I:
*Read the Bible together 4 nights.
*Ask Tony what he wants done for the week and complete tasks.
*Write a love note to Tony.

FINANCES:
*Have a financial meeting
*Balance the check book.
*Set a date for a debt meeting.
*Save for anniversary trip.

The Hardest Six Months

One of the goals I had for 2013 was to write a post bi-weekly.  When I said this I meant that I wanted to write something that was more meaningful, more about our daily lives, and foster care.  I want to get more real. 

We have hit six months with our three kiddos.  It has been the most difficult six months of our entire lives.  Tony and I have not had a stress free road.  God has chosen us to go through some tough things.  Yet, these last six months have still been the hardest.

I have wrestled with God a lot.  I have asked so many questions.  I have wondered why He chose us.  I've told Him numerous times that He must have screwed up, that we were not the parents for these kids.  I have questioned and I have argued and I have been angry.  Angry that God chose us.  Angry that life is now so hard.  Angry that three years or six years can screw a child up so much.  Angry that hurt can run so deep.  Angry over being told that I am not wanted, neither is the safe home, warm beds, or full tummies.

I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy, depression, guilt.  I have found myself not liking a certain child(ren) in my care (if you can relate to this statement, you have to read this blog post by Lisa Qualls). I have wanted to turn tail and give up.  I've found myself hoping for an out so that I could take a break.  Let's just say....it's been a hard six months.

But through all this God has continued to whisper to me.  He has stayed persistent, not letting me forget that, He placed these children in our lives.  He has been compassionate and understanding.  He has brought scripture, songs, and people in my life as both reminders and encouragement.

I'm not saying that the next six months will be any easier but I do know that God has put us here for a reason.  He will not give up on us.  His love will never run out.  And through His love I will be able to love these kids.         

Why No Names?

Every once in a while I get asked why I won't use the kids real names, code names are confusing.  I also get questions about not showing their faces on the blog.  The reason.....

It is illegal.

We are not legally allowed to use the kids names or show their faces for their confidentialty. 

Sorry! 

Here is a quick guide:

Our Guy: Our 10 year old foster kiddo that we had for 5 weeks.

Big Brother: Our current foster child who is 6 years old.

Little Man: Our current foster child who is 3 years old.

Baby Girl: Our current foster child who is 3 years old.

Of course there is Addilece also. :)




Believe it or not Tony and I use parts of these names to speak in code about our kids in front of them.  Sometimes conversations have to happen in front of them.

Goals for the Week

 

SELF:
*Finish the current chapter in The Well Connect Child by Karyn Purvis and read the next chapter.
*Decide on first 21 day Project.
*Post on "Getting Real" Blog

MINISTRY:
*Work on updating paper work for Awana for one hour, 3 times this week.
*Work on sorting clothing for King's Closet for one hour, 3 time this week.

FOSTER CARE:
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal

KIDS:
*Do Awana with Addilece and Big Brother 4 times.
*Work on speech with Baby Girl 3 times.
*Work on school with Big Brother 3 times.
*Do school with Addilece 3 times.
*Spend one hour on Sensory Activities
*Finish Little Man's Calender
*Take Little Man on a date

TONY & I:
*Set up Babysitting for night out.
*Read the Bible together 4 nights.
*Do an in home date.
*Ask Tony what he wants done for the week and complete tasks.

FINANCES:
*Have a financial meeting
*Balance check book.
*Set a date for a debt meeting.
*Save for anniversary trip.

2012 Goals Complete

When I wrote out my 2013 goals I mentioned that we stopped recording some goals because of how personal certain things became.  However, I wanted to update you on how I did do on a few goals:

*Have Addilece finish potty trained at nap and night time:  She is completely potty trained at nap time.  We decided to back off  the night time.  In December she decided she didn't want to wear diapers at night.  We went cold turkey.  We have gotten up to six nights dry at a time but are still having some accidents.  I'm really proud of her.  She only asked to go back into a diaper once, but we said no.  Once we offered it and she refused!

*Spend two weekends/overnights together as a couple:  Tony suprised me with a weekend alone in January and around Christmas we got a night alone.  Thanks to my parents for taking care of Addilece both times!
 
*Finish our wedding scrapbook and start our family album:  I finished all but the reception in our wedding album....that should only be a page or two and a night or two to finish.  I just need to get the pictures printed.  I started and completed our first family album.

*Do Bible Study more regularly as a couple:  We did alright before the kids came, not great after the kids came.

*Have Addilece understand the gospel message: She has got it and so does Big Brother.  I don't think Addilece will ever be one of those kids who has a clear cut salvation date.  But who knows?  It has not made it to Big Brother's heart yet and we aren't pushing that.  We are of the mindset that you evangelize your kids no matter what age they are and what "decisions" they have made.

10. Be more diligent about Addilece's Awana (first) and school (second).: We were better about this after the kids came, amazingly enough.  Hoping to do even better in 2013.

Goals 2013

I was updating once a month on our goals for 2012.  However, some goals were originally written with little details and to explain certain things it needed more detail and it got to a point where it wasn't something to share publicly.  However, now that we have six months with these kids under our belt, we need to get back on track.  I feel like we have been living in survival mode for seven months (our entire time in foster care).  It is time to start living in real life.

SELF:
*Complete the Couch to 5K program.
*Finish six books...including The Well Connect Child, The Out-of-Sync Child, and The Out-of-Sync Child has fun.
*Complete 4 "21 Days" projects (including the kids' life books and spring cleaning).
*Write a blog post bi-weekly (goal updates don't count).
*Decide on and complete one blog series.

MINISTRY:
*Work on both ministries (King's Closet and Awana) three times a week for at least 1 hour each time.
*Do the research of becoming a non profit for King's Closet, possibly begin process.

FOSTER CARE:
*Start and keep updated the kids' life books.
*Write case worker a thank you note four times a year.
*Spend 10 minutes a night filling out behavior journal.

KIDS:
*Work on Awana 4 nights a week with Big Brother and Addilece.
*Work with each child on specific things they each need 3 times a week.
*Spend 2 hours a week doing specific sensory activities.
*Put the helps that Little Man needs into place.
*Take each child on a date twice this year.

TONY & I:
*Spend at least one night/weekend alone.
*Read the Bible together 4 nights a week.
*Spend two nights a month on an in home date.
*Spend one night a month on an out of home date.
*Write a love note once a month.
*Ask Tony what he wants done most every week.
*Sit down once a month to re-evaluate schedules and cut what needs to be cut, add what needs to be added.

FINANCES:
*Have a bi weekly financial meeting.
*Update the check book bi-weekly.
*Pay off a set amount of debt.
*Save for an anniversary trip.

I actually have MORE goals, but I hope by breaking it down weekly I will get more done.  The are also more specific goals, rather then generalized goals.