Tony and I have discovered we are very emotional parents. We tend to reacted with emotions rather then a level head. This can create a lot of unfairness and disciplines that do not fit the situations. In order to help with this we have learned that we love go-to phrases in our parenting. These are lines that we can always come back to in helping us with our parenting choices. Here are a few of our favorites:
Are you asking or are you telling? I have found that sometimes my kids can get very demanding, expecting me to do something. This typically comes off of very disrespectful. This simple question either quickly changes to tone to respect or allows a teaching moment of, "If you are telling the answer will always be no. However, you could try that again with asking words." (Karyn Purvis, Empowered to Connect)
We need to try that agian with respect. As my kids get older I find their tones get a bit more on the disrespect side. What they are saying is not always bad, but how they are saying it is not ok. This allows a quick check for them with out completely shutting them off. (Karyn Purvis, Empowered to Connect)
Listen and Obey! This is a quick phrase I can give to my kids. It serves as a warning and I believe ques their brain (which they need at times). It also allows Tony and I to know, that if they chose to ignore words after this is given then we are dealing with a defiance issue and not a brain issue. (Karyn Purvis, Empowered to Connect)
Oh my. What a sad choice. What are you going to do about that? When I discovered that they took markers and drew all over the wall or got into something on the counter that was off limits this allows me to keep my frustration level even. It also allows them to be both responsible and in control of the mess they've made. I'm amazed at how much better their attitude is about the problem when I put the ball in their court rather then demand that they fix it (side note: I do expect them to fix the problem). (Love and Logic)
Asked and Answered. There was a great article that was floating around social media sometime this past year. When a child asks for something, I give them an answer (side note: I need to own my answer and be careful about my "no's". This is something very hard for me.) If them come up with a "but mom...." I simply say "asked and answered." I then stick with it. Sometimes my kids will ask for a compromise (another learning curb for myself) and I try hard to accommodate.
Do (or did) you have any catch phrases as a parent that you loved? Did you feel it helped to minimize frustration and increase cooperation?
1 comment:
I have a friend who grew up oldest of 10. Your comment about compromise reminded me of the first time she introduced me to her family's concept of "the appeal." (Her dad served some time as a state senator and the family was heavily involved in politics.) If the parent gave an answer the child (usually ages 5 & up) disagreed with, he or she could request an appeal. This cooled any hot emotions as the "appeal" must be presented with logic and persuasion. The parent still had final authority, but it forced them to listen to the perspectives of the child. That always fascinated me.
One of our current catchphrases is "Is that a good choice?" We want Buddy to calculate more long term consequences (positive and negative) when he makes a choice, so we try to use this to help him determine whether it was indeed a good choice or not. (This is also used with obedience issues -- disobedience is never a good choice.)
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