Just Hard

Some days are just plain hard, tough, tiring.  There are times that I say "God, I just don't want to do today."  On those days I would rather curl up in bed and read and sleep.  They aren't days where I want to deal w/ my little mess maker (her messes seem to be quit a bit bigger on those days) or be patient with my hubby.  They are days were I really don't want to reread the book for the dozenth time or reload the dishwasher.  They are the days where cooking seems overwhelming and playing outside even more overwhelming.  But those things HAVE to be done. 

I am learning to cry out God on the just plain hard days.  I'm learning to be completely honest w/ him and tell him that I don't want to do today.  I think he's a big enough God to handle my honest....he knows my heart anyway.  However, then I know I have to tell him "God, I have to do today, I know that....so help me do it through you."  Before this crazy stage in my life of having a toddler and facing other obstacles I don't think I ever did that.  I let the grumpiness and fatigue take over and I didn't care.  I let it control me. 

It is rather humbling to admit to God that I can't do what I should be doing as a wife and a mommy.  Its humbling to have to rely completely and totally on him.  But I need that, we all need that.  Humbleness draws us closer to him.  It makes me walking with my hand tightly clutching his.  It makes me rely on him to guide me on the next step. 

I'm sure most people think that the everyday shouldn't be hard, but for me some days just are.  I can't change that or fix it.  I can however, change how I go through those days.  Don't get me wrong, I still struggle even with turning things over to God.  My patience is still rather thin and those dishes don't look anymore appealing.  But I can see how God turns my spirit to calm.  He gives me a little burst of energy to read that book one more time without going over the edge.  He does it, not me.  All of me wants to go curl up and sleep till the next day comes and maybe, just maybe that shelf is clean and Little Miss doesn't want to make quit so many messes.  I can feel God though.  I can feel him in me and through me making me take a deep breath and keep going.  He makes me remember who and why I do what I do.

Its not been an easy process but its a necessary one.  I must keep going and I must do it with diligence. 

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2